Remember those New Year’s Resolutions?? Or maybe you don’t make them , because you don’t keep them and then feel bad, or may be you think they are ridiculous and pointless or maybe………
It is the time of year that Resolutions fall to the way side like snow flakes and that is OK, keeping Resolutions is not mandatory, Living your best life is! What if there was a better way than struggling to keep Resolutions???
From my point of view as a person and a Life Coach and a Resiliency Coach, the more that we are living our best life, the more Resilient we become. Why? In the first place by living our best life we are living the way we want to live, this means living in abundance, prosperity and protection mode which means we are happy, strong, healthy and fulfilled and well just plain enjoying our life more! In the second place, when we are thriving not just surviving, we are literally more resilient to the challenges and adversity that comes along in life whether they are small annoyances or the “Unthinkables”
Let me give you an example as a gardener. Have you ever really wanted to grow something in your garden, but the conditions in your garden really aren’t what the plant you want needs? I have! I have a shady back yard, I have tried to put sun loving plants in, guess what? It doesn’t work. Some of them survive but they don’t thrive, they are straggly, prone to disease and not many blooms. But put in a shade loving plant. Whoah, they thrive, in fact most years I am giving away cuttings because they are so prolific. My shade loving plants can survive a little adversity in their lives, like a drought or being stomped on because most of the time they are in thrive mode, they are Resilient.
Just like plants, we need what we need to thrive in our lives. We need to live in abundance and prosperity, we need to live where we really want to live, do what we really want to do, love and be loved, feed our bodies and minds what they need and so on. We need to live in a way that like the garden plants we are prolific!!!!
Plants come with ” Care Instructions” Full sun, part sun, feed regularly, water frequently, let dry out, prune in the fall etc. I suggest that instead of making New Year’s Resolutions we make ” Care Instructions” for our own lives.
The first step, is to draw your awareness to what kind of life you want. Using the garden analogy, are you sun loving, shade loving, ever green. Let yourself imagine exactly the kind of life you want to have, where do you want to live, who do you love, what kind of friendships do you have, what do you want for money, what are your energy levels, interests, what does a day look and feel like for you, what about a year, a month. Just a little hint, when you use words like “should”, it could mean it is not what you really want. Take your time or do it in a hurry. Use paper or virtual, but write it down….. do it and throw away the Resolutions!!!
Next up… How to write your own care instructions.
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping people who are facing adversity and challenges in their lives. She can be reached at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy
is to believe passionately that we are going to get through the experience. As Kafka says, ” By believing passionately…… we create it” This is because, when we believe something, our minds set about to find ways to make it happen. When we believe passionately, we have the hope, determination and courage to take the actions required.
The story of our dog Ruffus, is a great example of how “believing passionately”, guides you to coping when an “Unthinkable” event occurs. He was abandoned on the beach near our home in the Dominican Republic, his owner left him with no food, water, shelter or home. Ruffus wanted and believed with all his heart that he would get a family, so for two years he looked, he found food, water and shelter. He was not deterred by being turned away, having rocks thrown at him or yelled at. He just kept checking with people on the beach, until one day he found us, and the rest is as they say history. Ruffushttps://allaboutresiliency.com/ruffus-the-rescue-dog-or-the-rescued-dog/
I hope that by understanding how “believing passionately”, that you will get through the unthinkable no matter how unthinkable it is, will help guide you.
Please share with anyone you know who is facing an Unthinkable event I am here to help!
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach, one of her specialties is helping people find their path through adversity and challenges that life brings. She can be reached at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy to book a call.
When I was 17 years old, the most “unthinkable” of the many ” unthinkable” events of my life took place on a Saturday in January. One that started out like any other Saturday, but would change my life and the lives of the rest of my family forever.
After arguing over Saturday morning chores, I zipped off to the local mall, more of a leisure activity with girlfriends, rather than a shopping expedition.
When a couple of hours later I returned, I knew immediately that something was radically wrong. The minister was walking down the path in front of my parents house. ” What happened? Is it my father? Is it my Mother?” No said, the grim and paled face minister, it is Chris, he is dead” This would be the beginning of a whirling, incredibility, that would last for many years, and maybe does even to this day, as I tried to comprehend the “Unthinkable”. How could my adorable, pesky full of life little brother be D-E-A-D? Then came the horrifying explanation, he accidentally died of autoerotic asphyxiation.
MedicineNet.comhttps://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51776 A practice which takes the lives of many young people each year. At the time, I had never heard of it, and in a pre google world information was hard to come by. We did not talk about how he died. I did not understand, what happened, only that he was found hung in his closet by our Mother. Imagine trying to understand an “accidental hanging” with the additional layer of the sexual context. It was pretty much too horrible, too confusing to grasp. What I know is that he got the idea from a magazine and I know that all these years later this kind of tragic accident still occurs. It happens because we don’t know about it, or talk about it, we can’t warn our youngsters and often don’t know how to comfort families of the accident victims.
And so began, my experience learning to cope with the Unthinkable. It was the days of Elizabeth Kubler Ross ” On Death and Dying” and Harold Kushner, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”, Books that I read cover to cover, over and over to try to understand, to cope with the grief and to make sense of the senseless loss. I tried to go in an orderly fashion through the stages of grief, you know, denial, anger, acceptance and so on but grief is not orderly and obedient, as we now know.
My journey through this loss, was and has been without a map, but more with a guide that comes from inside me. I call the guide love, it started with the love of my little brother, it grew to a love of life and the greatest understanding of how precious it is. My love grew to include, the good fortune of marrying the love of my life and raising wonderful children. I have chosen to live in places I love like a Carribean Island and to do the things I love, like skiing, dancing and being with my dog Ruffushttps://allaboutresiliency.com/ruffus-the-rescue-dog-or-the-rescued-dog/ It is as though the only way to heal a broken heart is to love and be loved as much as one possibly can.
It is a journey that never ends… just recently on a Saturday in December I stumbled across these markers. One of my little brother and the other of my father who outlived his only son by so many decades. And yes, I collasped in a heap as though it all happened yesterday.
As the anniversary of my brother’s death arrives, I celebrate his life, by finally telling this story. I hope that it helps prevent further accidental deaths, https://www.kansascity.com/news/nation-world/article216585445.html and prevents any other families experiencing what my has experienced.
But the most important way to celebrate my brother’s life and death, is to live my own, with as much love as possible.
I am here if you or anyone you know needs help with an Unthinkable!
Those who have the ability to be grateful are the ones who have the ability to achieve greatness. Steve Maraboli Wisdom Commons
When faced with an “Unthinkable” event in our lives, it is pretty much impossible to know, what to do at first. We are overwhelmed, shocked, in disbelief and always in a lot of pain. We will find our way through it, we will make the journey and we will come through it! In my experience of coping with the “Unthinkable” events of my life so far, I have experienced several common things that have helped me and others on their way, and I would like to share them with you.
The First is Gratitude. I think of Gratitude as light, it is the first beacon of light, in the darkness of an ” Unthinkable” event. Like the proverbial ” light at the end of the tunnel”, this light of gratitude will shine it’s way as we move through the journey of coping with the unthinkable. You may be thinking, is she kidding me? This and that horrible thing has just occurred and she is talking about Gratitude???? I get it, it seems implausible, that at the worst of times, we need to be grateful. However, there is always, always, something to be grateful for, always.
My heartfelt understanding of this began the morning after our accident. I arrived at the Car Wreck Lot, to collect the personal items from our vehicle. I was sobbing, it had been our first brand new car, we loved it and it was smashed almost beyond recognition. The lot manager, a large, burly man, with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth came up to me and said. ” Lady, you are one of the lucky ones. Everyday, I see people come here, mostly they have lost a loved one in an accident, you are one of the lucky ones lady”. In that instant, I felt such gratitude, the lot manager was right, in spite of the broken neck, life turned upside down, uncertainty and pain all put together, we were so lucky. I hold that gratitude everyday. It gives me the ability to ” achieve the greatness”, of whatever life brings my way.
Gratitude needs to be felt in your heart, as well as your mind in order to guide you towards light. Try this. Each morning when you wake up, maybe before you open your eyes. Say out loud three things you are truly grateful for, say them out loud three times. Watch and observe how this light of gratitude helps guide you.
One early fall evening, while driving down the highway at 65 miles per hour, my husband said to me ” I don’t feel well” and fainted in my arms. With my husband slumped over me, I was unable to do anything as the car, swerved down the highway making “S” marks, I was sure we were going to die, the car turned completely over, landing back upright on its wheels, just before hitting the cement wall of the highway overpass. ” The wind shield is cracked” said my husband as he regained consciousness.
The windshield was not the only thing broken as it turned out. My husband’s neck was broken at the vertebrae C2, a highly dangerous spot, each time a Doctor looked at the break, they shook their heads, saying ” Do you know how lucky you are? Do you know how close you are to being dead or a quadriplegic?” The miracle of our survival, did not spare us of the turmoil caused by having our world turned upside down. My husband was in constant terrible pain, with a long, list of medical appointments and waiting months while in a neck brace. I suffered from the worry,the work load as care taker and the trauma. The trauma attached itself among other places to a fear of driving, I could drive only 20 miles an hour at first and my husband could not drive at all. I have this poignant memory of looking at my husband and son in the hospital, my husband in the neck brace and our son in what turned out to be the last few months of his life after battling brain cancer for 17 years. It seemed like a long, long journey with no sure end in sight,well, it was a long, long journey with no clear end in sight!
” Resilience is the ability to work with adversity in such a way, that one comes through it unharmed or even better for the experience”, I love this quote from Wisdom Commons. We found a way to travel the long journey of recovery from the accident. It required much heart, determination, courage, patience and innovation. Today, a bit more than two years since that fateful evening, we have our new life, one that includes the great joys of our life, like skiing, running, dancing, working, traveling, walking Ruffus and just being alive! I can drive 65 miles an hour, I think the day I reached that point, we had a party!!!
I could write a book about all the things I have learned, ( maybe I will)! The most important thing I learned is that no matter what happens in life, how unthinkable, there is always a way through it, always. It is a bit like a map or a blueprint, each path different, but always a way. Let me help you find your way!
If you or anyone you know is facing an “unthinkable” event in their lives, I am here to help. Please share.
On the last day of 2018, my husband asked me, ” What would you like to do today Sweetie?” A question he asks often. Upon reflection, I replied with an answer he does not hear very often. ” Stay in my Pyjamas all day”. I replied. I put on my cute flannel PF’s decked out with skier bears and bunnies and had a great day. It was restful, creative, restorative and fun. Somehow, by staying in my pyjamas all day, I was signaling to myself, that this was a day of doing only what I wanted to do, I mean I wasn’t going to go outside in my PJ’s or visit or work, no I only did what I wanted to do.
For me wearing my PJ’s all day signaled a gentleness, an about me mode, a sit down and watch movies in the middle of the afternoon and read a book kind of a day. Here is the thing, I woke up today on New Year’s Day, full of energy, enthusiasm and excitement for the new day and the New Year!
As I reflect on my Pyjama Day, I realized that for me it was like pushing the Pause Button, I didn’t even know I needed or wanted a pause, but spending the day in my PJ’s gave it to me.
Wonder what would be your pause button? Would love to hear your thoughts.
Wishing each and every one of you the most glorious and prosperous New Year.
As the holidays arrive, hearts are filled with joy for the Season and sadness for those grieving the loss of a loved one. It does not matter how long the person has been gone, days, months or years, do not fill the space emptied by the passing of a loved one. The Holiday season, serves as a reminder of the empty, space, in the place at the table, the Christmas stocking, the shared memories and mostly in our hearts. In, part, I think it is because, during the holidays, we come together from wherever we are to be with our loved ones, so their absence is felt all the more intensely at this time of year, because we are unable to be together.
We can however, share memories of our loved ones, funny stories, look at photos and remember the love. By not mentioning them, it is like the Elephant in the room, every one knows it is there, and by avoiding it, it makes it harder than just acknowledging it.
So when friends and loved ones mention the loss loved ones, share fond memories, offer hugs, it is truly a great gift.
For me a hug is so important, it expresses a universal love, from one heart to the other, it expresses in a way that words cannot, and it offers comfort like only a hug can. A couple of days before our son died, I was standing in my garden, pretty much overwhelmed, I heard a kind voice from over the fence, ” You look like you need a hug, said my neighbor” I went over to a giant bear hug, no words and I was comforted beyond measure. I would add to the wise words of Virginia Satir, that in times of adversity we need 16 hugs a day to remain Resilient!
How many hugs do you give and receive a day? How can you get more? What do you think of hugs? I’d love to hear. Leave me a comment.
It happens in Life. that we are going along, and the unthinkable happens. As with the famous, unsinkable ship, Titanic, we are going along and out of seemingly no where, an iceberg appears, and the beautiful, elegant, unsinkable ship sinks, the truly unthinkable has occurred.
It happens in Life that we too, can be going along and an iceberg appears out of no where, it turns us upside down. Our icebergs come in many forms, deaths of loved ones, car accidents, loss of health, relationship break ups, job loss, bankruptcies, domestic violence, injustices, and increasingly, natural disasters, such as ferocious storms or fires to name a few.
I understand what it is like to experience the unthinkable. I have experienced some of the most unthinkable icebergs of life, a little brother who died at 14 in a tragic accident, a nearly fatal car accident and most recently the loss of our son to brain cancer. I understand, the mind numbing pain, the soul crushing shock, the intense longing for it not to have happened and the despair that knocks on the door!
Most importantly I, understand that unlike the Titanic, our icebergs do not need to sink us. I understand that even amidst, the incredible reaction to the unthinkable, there is always a path of healing, it always leads us out of pain, it always takes us back to life. The path begins with setting an Intention, not to let the iceberg sink us.
Coaching with me shows you the path out of the unthinkable, you will not sink, you will recover. Together, we find your path! I support you, care about you, acknowledge you, and hold the way for you as you journey through the unthinkable.
C Counselors are people who can utilize the traits of wisdom gained from their critical life experiences to help others. They are insightful, have the courage to recognize the suffering of the heart, and can relate to others through their own woundedness. They become a source of life and hope for others.
Be the Light………As we approach the darkest time of the year, I think about light. I see my friends and neighbors putting up Christmas Lights, I light candles, I sit by the fire and it all makes me think about, being the light.As the darkness and cold of winter approaches, I am keenly aware, that we too in our lives, have darkness and light. Children die before their parents, hearts are broken, bodies become ill, injustices occur and spirits can be broken. That is the “Brokenness”of this beautiful thing, we call life. But in our own darkness, of pain and grief, of loss and anger and sadness, we get to choose to find the light. We find it in love for one another, we find it in the hugs of a friend, we find it in the shared experience of another’sdarkness, we find it by serving others and we find it in gratitude. But here is the best part, once we find the light, we spread it for others, that is the way of light. We find our light and we show others the way to find their light and they do the same and pretty soon the darkness is gone.
My favorite part of Christmas Eve Service is when the church goes dark nearing end of the service. We start to sing Silent Night and everyone has a candle, we start in darkness, and then one candle is lit, and another, and when we receive our light we pass it to our neighbor, and one by one the darkness turns into a beautiful glow.
It is the same for each of us, find your light and share it. One by one we share our light and the darkness turns into a beautiful glow. Be the Light.
