One aspect of Life that we all need to be Resilient to, is what I call, other people’s off gassing. What I mean by this is when other people off gas THEIR stuff onto you. Their frustrations, anger, anxiety, irritation comes out of them in their words, behavior and hurdles it self towards you. A boss snaps at you when they are tired and stressed, a spouse yells at you because they had a bad night’s sleep, a neighbor makes snide remarks, you get it. All of these things carry with it a negative energy, an energy that belongs to its owner but is flung out towards you. The person is not owning their stuff, but that does not mean you need to take it on. Sometimes, the person apologizes, explains the state they were in and mostly we can easily move on from that, because they have owned it. We know it wasn’t us, we understand that we all have bad moments amd we can show compassion for the other person.
However, frequently the other person, does not acknowledge or apologize! Maybe this is the way they go through life, maybe they are oblivious as to how their actions land on others, maybe, who knows. Doesn’t really matter, just as it is their responsibility to own their stuff, it is our responsibility not to take it on. So how do we do that? How do we protect ourselves from the toxic off gassing of others? Here are my thoughts:
The first step is to become aware of what is happening. When we are aware, we can begin to protect ourselves. Think of smoke at a campfire, what do we do when smoke blows our way?As soon, as we realize it is in our eyes, we make attempts to move away from it, most of us don’t sit there taking the smoke in we move. Likewise, when toxic energy is coming our way, we need to protect ourselves.
The second step is to Pause. Do not react, reacting will make matters worse. Often, a person who is off gassing their Sh*t on you, wants to get a reaction, it somehow makes them feel better, releases their frustration. So don’t react. Breathe. Brush your self off, literally, it will help you feel better, like you are getting rid of the ick. Move around, shake it off.
Consider the intent. This is not about you. It is about the other person and their way of showing up in the world. The chances are, you are not the only one who has experienced this treatment. Get a second opinion. If your boss has yelled at you the chances are she has yelled at others, this is information, not gossip. Knowing that this how the other person operates will help you to understand it is not about you.
Respond. Your response will depend on the circumstances of course. Here are some guidelines. If it is the first insult, consider ignoring. You may or may not have a problem. If it is the second time, consider responding, calmly to defend your border( you). Frequently, by putting up your stop sign, the other party will actually stop. Recently, I had someone going off the rails at me about a favor I was doing for her, I calmly pointed that out and she stopped! Depending once again on the person, you may choose to avoid them or their offending behavior. If this person is only marginally in your life, avoiding them is simple. If it is a boss or parent, it may be more about avoiding the behavior. For example if you have an alchoholic parent who becomes abusive after 5:00, guess what, don’t interact in any way after 5:00.
Is this a gift? Consider the message. Is their any truth to it? If not you can dismiss it as you would an insult about purple hair. If you determine there is some truth to it. Consider it a gift an opportunity to grow and make your own life better. It could be an opportunity to check in with yourself about your beliefs, values and dreams. Maybe being yelled at by your boss, reminds you that you really want your own business. Maybe, a neighbor’s snide remark, makes you realize you have always wanted to live in the country. Maybe, an insult makes you realize, you have been a people pleaser, and you are going to focus on what you want in life instead of others. In this way, the toxic energy becomes a gift in disguise.
Thank you Judy Crockatt.
As we build Resiliency in our lives, we are building skills. Part of building Resiliency is learning how to avoid parts of life that wear us down, instead of building us up. I hope you have found this helpful.
As always all the best,
Coach Susy
Susy Giddy is a Certified Life Coach. One of her specilaties is Resiliency. She helps clients become more Resilient in every day life as well as supporting during times of adversity and challenge such as car accidents, deaths, divorce, bankruptcies and other adversities that life can bring. She can be reached for questions or to book a consultation at coachsusygiddy@gmail.com
In my opinion, and the opinion of many others, based on studies showing the amount of wine consumed each year, world wide,wine is one of life’s great pleasures. I just love sitting down with my husband, or friends at dinner or after dinner and pouring a glass of wine. I love sipping it, talking, and tasting it. My husband and I were married in a winery, Grand Pre Winery in our beautiful, home province of Nova Scotia. I pretty much love every thing about it.
Except, the toll it can take on your life, health, well being and pocket book. Quite frankly, I don’t think it is very fair that women can have only one glass of wine a night and men can have two, do you? Like a lot of things in life, change dawns on me slowly. For my husband and I, having a glass of wine every evening before bed, has been a great joy, so much so that one glass slowly became two( remember he is allowed two and me only one). This, I think was still OK for me. The problem came about when, we had a near fatal car accident, followed closely by our son’s death to cancer. Under the strain of a broken neck and the decining health of our son, our two glasses changed from being joyful moments at the end of the day to something else. Something more like ” Give me the wine, I need to relax, I want the pain to go away” and two glasses morphed into three glasses many evenings.
As I said, change dawns on me slowly, I began to notice having less energy and enthusiasm, less focus, more midnight cookie jar raids and a grumpy husband. It took me a while to understand what was going on. Under the circumstances of what we were going through, grumpiness, lack of enthusiasm and energy would seem to be expected. My intution, started telling me it was something else, it was horrors of horrors too much wine!
So, we decided to take some action! My Life Coaching was put to use to coach us. We realized that during the trauma of the past couple of years, the joy of drinking our wine had left and a dependence had crept in. Within certain limits, I don’t think it is the amount of wine we drink that is the key, but what role it has in our lives and I believe that when it crosses to dependence, action needs to be taken. Basically, we reestablished the habits and routines we had before the traumas struck. So we started eating dinner earlier, without wine, daily yoga, recognizing stress and dealing with it, and drinking more tea and water. We resumed having our glass, ( I still don’t think it is fair about the 1 glass for me and two for him)right before bed in a relaxing, happy way. I am so happy to say, we feel better, have more energy, enthusiasm, sleep better,have glowing complexions, have lost weight ,look more youthful, and are just plain happier than we have been in a long time. And oh yes, my grumpy husband became once again loving and cheerful. phew!
Here are 7 Tips to Help Stop or Reduce Drinking.
1. By far the most important thing, is to really want, believe and be committed to stopping or reducing drinking. I mean really, in your heart. Not just pay lip service to it. You know that saying “You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink it”? The same applies to you, if you really want to make the change you can do it.
2. Figure out what triggers you to drink more than you want to drink. For us and for many others it is stress, once we became overwhelmed with trauma, we forgot our stress management habits and turned to wine to help manage stress instead of our familar healthy habits such as yoga, meditating, warm baths,and talking it out.
3. Once you know your triggers, figure out alternate strategies. If, for example coming home from work after a hard day, triggers you to reach for a beer and than another and another. What can you do instead? It needs to be something you can do and will do. Not something you think you should do, that will only set you up for failure. I suggest something that takes the stress out of your body, mind and heart, like yoga, a walk, or meditating. However, what is most important, is that it is something you will do and enjoy.
4. I strongly suggest not having more than you want to drink around or available at least in the beginning. It is like anything, if you don’t want to eat junk food don’t have it in your home. If you don’t want to have more to drink that you choose, don’t keep in around.
5. Almost, immediately your efforts will reward you by feeling better, looking better having more energy. Enjoy, the rewards, savor the rewards.
6. Watch your money grow. The reality is that over drinking, costs money and you will save money by reducing your consumption. We have a travel account into which our wine money goes, saving up to go on a wine tour in Italy, just kidding!
7. Consider, having an accountability person to help. My husband and I had each other, so we were mutually accountable. Being accountable to someone other than yourself is a great way to help you stay on your path to change.
I wish you all the best in your journey to less drinking.
As always all the best,
Coach Susy
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. She specializes in Resiliency and helps people develop Resiliency for Life and face challenges and adversity with strength, grace and courage. She can be reached at coachsusygiddy@gmail.com or 902-989-6221
The Importance of getting good sleep is well known and well documented scientifically. Sleep is a time when our bodies, minds and spirits are restored, repaired and rejuvenated.
From the point of view of Resiliency, it is a crucial building block. We don’t need scientific evidence to tell us what we already know, with a good night’s sleep, we can sail through the ups and downs of a day with ease. On the other, hand a sleepless night can lead us to find even the smallest tasks difficult and more easily become over whelmed at the larger bits of our lives. Long term good sleep promotes better health, stronger immune systems, better sense of well being and just plain more enjoyment and pleasure in life. So as we build Resiliency for Life, we are also building Resiliency for when adversity and challenges come our way. In other words if we have established a habit of good sleep during good times, it will be easier to maintain when facing difficult times.
I sort of abashedly admit that for many years I did not know about “Sleep Habits”. I, annoyingly put my head down, turned off the light and woke up 8 or 9 hours later. I used to listen with amazement to my husband and neighbors talking about what had gone on in the night, like sirens or dogs barking, because I was blissfully unaware. As the years have gone by and the stresses of life mounted my youthful land of uncomplicated zzzzzzzzs has been compromised. I have learned the hard way, the value of good sleep, the cost of too little and happily now have developed strong sleep habits, which my younger self might chuckle at, but oh, the folly of youth.
Here are my Top 5 Tips.
Get Daily Exercise. A walk, a run, outside if possible, it helps relieve stress and promotes better sleep.
Limit alchohol consumption. Even though that extra glass of wine may make you feel sleepy and relaxed, it can easily, lead to the 3:00 wakey, wakey, squirrel mind going in circles.
Develop a form of relaxation, such as yoga, meditation, breath work, This helps to get the stress out of your body, mind and spirit leading to better sleep.
Take care of your sleep environment. Ensure that you have a comfortable bed, pillow, the right temperature, covers, sleep clothes (or not), that noise is controlled, apps are available to help with white and pink noise, as well as light, my bedroom is so dark I can’t tell if my eyes are open or shut).
Put all devices away and off a couple of hours before you go to sleep, the lights on devices can interfere with the biochemicals needed for sleep as well the anticipation of a text or message coming in can keep us alert, and the over all stimulation of the information on our devices keeps us reved up as opposed to calming down.
I hope these tips help you get great sleeps.
As Always All the Best,
Coach Susy,
Susy is a Life Coach. She specializes in helping people through times of adversity and challenge as well as developing Resiliency for Life. She can be reached at coachsusygiddy@gmail.com.
Many of us would like to enjoy a life of less stress, worry and tension, one with more joy, happiness and relaxation. We think that the source of our stress is external, money problems, relationship problems, work problems and so on. What if there was a way to eliminate a great part of our stress! There is a way. It doesn’t cost any money and it comes from you!
Science & Metaphysics has issued this simple challenge. ” When a negative thought enters your mind, think three positive ones. Train yourself to flip the script”. Our thoughts come through filters, either negative or positive, our thoughts lead to our emotions which lead to our behavior and actions. So if we can change our thoughts, we can change our emotions and behavior.
Let’s take a pretty common example. Money stress. Let’s say we receive an unexpected bill and don’t have the money to pay it. If we think something like, “Oh, my god, I will never be able to pay this, I am ruined, I will lose everything, etc, etc”. We are going to feel pretty stressed and maybe do nothing and be far down the path of panic. If we think on the other hand ” Oh, I know we will find a solution, we always do” Our stress levels will go down, we will feel calm and act in ways to find solutions. All a difference in our thoughts!
I am going to take this challenge, each time a negative thought comes into my mind I am going to replace it with three positive ones.
Take the challenge and tell me how it goes!
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping people when challenges and adversity strike in their lives. She can be reached at coachsusygiddy@gmail.com or by phone at 902-989-6221. Reach out today to see how she can help you!
“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”
― Erma Bombeck
As far as I can tell worrying is pretty normal. It is natural to worry about some of the things that life can bring, unpaid bills, job interviews, deadlines and so on.
For people who have or are experiencing “Unthinkable” events in their lives, there are often many, more concerns and many are a worry. Depending on the situation, there may be health issues, financial issues, practical issues and so on. In addition, unthinkable events have brought in many cases to our lives our worst nightmare, or in other words our worst ” worry” has come true. To me it seems pretty natural to worry about a car accident if you have had one bad car accident.
Here is the thing, like Erma Bombeck says, worry may keep you busy but it doesn’t get you any where. Not only that, excessive worrying is not good for your emotional or physical health. So what can be done?
Worries can fall into two major categories. 1. Problems that have solutions. 2 Problems that do not have solutions or not immediate solutions. If the problem you are facing which is causing you to worry has a solution, sit down problem solve, come up with a solution that works and do it. This will stop the worrying. If the problem does not have a solution or an immediate one, accept it and lay the worry aside.
Here are 5 ways to help with worry:
Get regular exercise, it helps you to feel better and keep perspective on life.
Try a worry dump! One way is to write all your worries down and then throw the paper away, showing your mind that they are gone. Another is to talk to a trusted friend, family member or professional. The worries come out lessening their power on you.
A mind body form of exercise such as yoga can help release worries that are stored in our bodies.
Meditation. The practice of focussing on the present moment, can help reduce worrying, because worries are future based, so by being in the present moment, we can reduce the worries.
Make time for your worries. Set a time maybe ten minutes for your worries. If worries come up at other times of the day, just tell yourself, to think about that worry during your worry time.
As always I hope this has been a help,
Coach Susy
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping people cope with adversity and challenges in their lives. If you or someone you know needs help, she can be reached at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy or coachsusygiddy@gmail.com
For many people looking at these two weather reports and choosing where they would rather be, would appear to be an obvious and universal choice. For the record, I live in and love both places, just at different times of the year. I am in the – 29 Mont Tremblant by choice. Lots of people would choose 27 and sunny by choice. When I see -29 and sunny, I Perceive it to be a great thing, I Think oh great, I feel (Emotion) happy and my actions( Behavior) are to go outside and snow shoe or ski. Another person, ( many), will PERCEIVE -29 to be awful, THINK oh this is awful, too cold, FEEL sad or down and stay inside.(Behavior)
Both are reactions to the same information. This way of perceiving our world is important to all of us every day, because it literally shapes the way, we think, feel and behave. During times when facing an Unthinkable Event, I believe it becomes even more important to become aware of our perceptions of what is going on because once we are aware we can change our filters(,Perception) which changes our thoughts, which changes our emotions and our actions.
Let me give you an example. Our dog Ruffus, likes to chase deer. Let’s say he goes off chasing deer, up the snowy mountain after those deer he goes and disappears. I can Perceive that this is a threat to losing him(filter), I will think ” oh god Ruffus is gone and will never come back, I will feel ( emotion ) panicky and scared, and I will act,(behave) like a frantic person whose dog is lost. OR
Ruffus can go up the snowy mountain after those deer and disappear. I can Perceive that he is doing what dogs and Irish Wolfhoundsdo, I will think oh boy, ahh Ruffus is having fun being a hound, I will feel(emotion) happy for him and I will look forward(behavior) to his return from his adventure.
Nothing changes between the two experiences except the way I perceive the incident.
Try this little exercise with yourself. Pick a simple situation. Notice how your perception. leads to your thoughts, leads to your emotions, lead to your behavior( actions) Now, change your perception ( you don’t have to believe the change, just change it) now notice your thoughts, emotions, and behavior. I suggest that you practice this first with small events and then with more emotionally charged situations. Notice how your emotions and actions change according to your filters.
As always, I hope this has been helpful.
All the best,
Coach Susy
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping clients who are facing adversity and challenges in their lives, if you or some one you know needs some help, she can be reached at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy
When the Unthinkable happens, we are not prepared. We can not imagine, some of the things that can happen in life and if we did we would not think about them, because it is too awful, so we don’t. The things that our worst nightmares are about. We hear about them in the news everyday, we are horrified by them and one day they arrive in our own lives, the worst thing ever has happened.
When the “Unthinkable” happens, we have emotions in reaction of course, our emotions to the unthinkable are strong, powerful and often scary, because they are in reaction to something so huge. In order to cope with the “Unthinkable”, we have to learn to manage the powerful emotions that come with it, not so easy, painful, but necessary in order to move forward.
The Method I use is Acknowledge, Get it Out, Get comfort.
Acknowledge, the emotion the best you can. Could be fear, terror, anxiety, anger or some icky mix that you can’t quite name, that’s Ok. You can call it ick. Just acknowedge it. Notice where it shows up in your body, what are you thinking?
2. Get it out. I believe it is important to get these powerful emotions out, so that they don’t get stuck. Do this however you need to do it. But get it out.
3. Get comfort. However it is that you get comfort get it. It soothes, it repairs it restores.
This process of acknowledging, getting it out and getting comfort will be repeated over and over as you cope with the Unthinkable.
Here are my top five tips for how to do this:
Talk. For many of us talking helps us to understand what we are feeling. It helps us Get it Out, and comforts. Talk to a friend, loved one, a pet, yourself, the ocean, the mountains, the person you lost.a professional I can remember talking to our son, after he died, literally while I was skiing, it made me cry and it was one more emotion that got out!
Listen. Listen to yourself, your body and others. So often when others speak, we hear our own pain in their voices. It helps us to acknowledge our emotions and get them out. and is also comforting. I remember talking to others after our accident, others with trauma and a broken neck, when they spoke I heard their pain and recognized more layers of my own.
Write! When we write things down, we both become aware of thoughts and feelings we were not aware of and they get out! For some keeping a journal in a handys spot works. For other writing down hard thought and emotions and throwing the paper away signals getting rid of it. I remember having a painful experience of leaving a business I loved, I actually wrote a letter to it and said good bye, in that way I became aware of what I was feeling and could let go.
Move. for many of us, moving gets”it’ out, going for a run or walk, releases emotion, hitting a tennis ball, pounding nails. For others, moving in a more meditative way, like yoga, Pilates, martial arts, releases emotion and Gets it out. I have many memories of great ahaha, moments while running, suddenly becoming aware of what was happening with me and being able to let it go. My husband on the other hand goes to his workshop man cave, works with his hands and comes back refreshed and restored.
Body.The body stores so much emotion. I believe that taking care of the body helps to Acknowledege, Get it Out, and Comfort. Hugs are good for comfort, it doesn’t matter what you hug, person, pet, teddy bear, pillow or tree. Body work like massage, accupuncture, water therapy, warm baths are comforting. I will never forget about two days before our son died, I was in our back garden, a neighbor called over the fence, ” It looks like you could use a hug”. The hug held me as I sobbed, grief tumbled out and I was comforted.
When something unimagineable happens, in the news for example, the pundits sit around analysing, trying to explain it, attempting to make sense of it. In our private worlds we do the same. We ask questions, how could this happen, why did this happen as if having answers will ease our pain or make sense of the senseless. The truth is sometimes in life the unthinkable happens, children die before their parents, accidents happen and hearts are broken. The only sense of it is, that is life.
It is my sincere wish that this method helps you to manage the emotions of the unthinkable event in your life and find peace.
Being Resilient has many components, things like Gratitude, Courage, determination, baby steps and so on. Sometimes being Resilient, means knowing when to stop, take a break, retreat and yes snuggle down with your pet or blanket and yes, eat Chocolate Chip Cookies. It gives, our minds, our bodies and hearts a chance to be comforted, to let the worries down, and to rest, and recharge.
I think we need to become aware of when we need to take a Chocolate Chip Cookie break and take it. I think we need to encourage ourselves to nurture our selves in this way as much as all the other ways.
Next time you feel exhausted, weary or that just having that ” I’ve had it feeling”, put on your PJ’s grab your dog or cat and dive in to those cookies, it is good for you.
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping people cope with adversity and challenges that come their way. She can be reached at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy
I did not know, and therefore was unprepared for the enormous amount of work, frequently paper work, associated with unthinkable events that come our way. After our accident, for example, it felt like a full time job to manage “the accident aftermath” There were appointments to book, Insurance forms to fill out, phone calls to be made. Each time we went to an appointment, ( remember, I could only drive 20 miles per hour and was terrified of every inch we went), we had to have insurance forms signed including a mileage chart) let me just say on top of everything else, noting the odometer reading did not come naturally. I know that when a death occurs, there is a seemingly, never ending trail of paperwork to be done, death certficates, banking changes, insurance claims, all come at you at the worst of times. It seems that Unthinkable events bring work and paperwork with them. Divorces can be a long paper train, domestic violence brings, lengthy police meetings, lawyers, court files and so on.
Here are my suggestions based on my personal exoerience and the experience of my clients:
1.Knowing that the event you are facing will involve work and paper work will help you set your expectations to include this side of things
2. Be prepared. Literally, since we were at a cottage we did not have what we needed, like paper, pencils, files, ability to print or take photos.
3. Stay on top of it, stay organized. I know it sounds like a lot, but with all the paper, it is super important to stay on track, other wise it makes things a lot worse.
4. Get help. Enlist the help of someone who can help, if your budget allows hire a professional. Maybe a friend or family member can help!
5. Expect it to take longer than you think, at the same time it will be over.
I think if I had known this, it would have helped reduce my stress, because I would have expected it and would been better prepared.
As always, all the best.
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping people cope with adversity and challenges that come their way. She can be reached at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy
Very close to the top of my top ten tips for coping when the “Unthinkable” strikes in life, is to get help! The more “Unthinkable”, the event the more help we need. On the outside, it may seem obvious that a person who is dealing with something, like a death in the family needs help, but trust me when in the throes of something so hard, it is not so obvious. My reaction and the reaction of most of my clients, is that we try to keep going, managing everything ourselves, not even thinking about getting help. Often, it is when we start to feel like we are at the breaking point that we reach out. I am not sure why we humans do that. I am a Life Coach, very familiar with the benefits, the results that coaching offers and I was several weeks into the car accident aftermath, before it occurred to be to reach out for HELP.
My coach and I developed a plan, like a map, or a blue print for how I was going to cope for the first 3 months of post accident life. She helped me see there was a way through this, helped me figure out what I needed to do and supported me while I did it! I needed all the help I could get and got it! There was medical help, chiropractor, massage, physiotherapy, yoga therapy ( yes that is a thing), emotional help, practical help, social help, the list goes on and on.
I am not sure why we resist getting help, I think there is a fear of being weak and needing help? Lack of knowledge about where to turn for help? feeling over whelmed and getting help is one more thing. Maybe any and all of these and other reasons as well. What I know for sure is that I am stronger, have recovered more completely because I had help!
So if you or anyone you know, in fact, it is often the people around us who know we need help before we do, is going through an “Unthinkable” event please get help.
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping clients cope when faced with adversity and challenges. She can be reached at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy
