As I was sitting waiting for class to start at Orange Theory, I flashed past myself. I know it makes me sound a bit, well you know, cuckoo. What I mean is on the Marquee Screen this photo, taken to celebrate the 50 classes I have taken, flashed by, repeatedly. I did feel like a little star!
When I started Orange Theory in March, I was pretty scared. I had a lot of little worries, like I was too old, too out of shape, or too something. My light was, like many of us a bit dimmed by the pandemic and my husband’s cancer, so I wasn’t excatly at the top of my game, let’s just leave it at that OK? I went anyway. I went and I went and I go and I go.
It happens that the more I go, the brighter my light becomes. it happens that I love Orange Theory. it happens that the people there are part of my tribe and I hope that I am part of theirs. As we sit waiting for class, I hear about the three year old daughter and her latest antics, and the new house that one person is buying and the doggie that ate the shoe and well you know the magical banter that happens when you are with your tribe. and I keep flashing on the screen.
And I am struck once again, for the gazillioneth time in my life, that to do anything, to get anywhere, to be who and how you want to be in this life you just have to do it. One class, one step, one word at a time.
When I was a little girl in school in California, we had educational films. You know the kind with reels and a projector and the teacher had to feed the film into the reels and that was sometimes tricky, or so it seemed! Does anyone remember those? Anyway, one of these films had a big impact on me.
The film was a science film and it said one day, we would be able to see one another when talking on the phone. This was an amazing idea and dare I say sounded crazy impossible. The scientists back in that film in a classroom, in the 1960s in Los Angeles, were positive that this would become a reality. I remember telling my parents about it and they just laughed and my sister thought it was kind of icky that people would be able to see you in your PJs if that is when they called. I guess that is why Zoom has apps to zap out the PJS!!!
I was thinking about all of this while running down the sidewalk with Ruffus on Sunday. ( Even me having a rescue dog from the Dominican Republic who I am crazy about has an air of impossibility about it). I was thinking about how easy it is to arrive at the notion that something is impossible and how sad that is. I was also thinking that for some reason, the notion of ” impossible” is not one that is in my vocabulary. And if impossible is not in one’s vocabulary what is?
As we ran down the tree-lined street, with a blue sky and gentle breeze, my musings continued. I was thinking about running marathons. To step out the door and run 26 miles 385 yards requires most of all belief that it is possible. The how, I think is not as important as the belief, the knowing that it is doable. I was thinking about when I bought the Tennis Club and had no money, but I had the belief that it was possible. I was thinking about buying a condo in Cabarete and moving to our beautiful tropical island!
I was also thinking about some of my clients and the amazing things they do. I was thinking about the ones that run successful businesses, and write books and stop overdrinking. I was thinking about how they find love and go on dream trips and all the amazing wonderful things they do. I was thinking that they believe in the possible.
As we turned and started heading home and well Ruffus upped his sniffing, giving me more thinking time, I was thinking about the struggles that I have and my clients have and well we all have. I was thinking about the “nots”. I was thinking about what makes something NOT possible for someone. Like I have clients who say ” they can’t stop overeating or over drinking or start writing or whatever it is. I can tell you that 100 percent of the time it is due to a belief they have. The belief says ” I can’t”. Or it is too hard.” Or” others can but I can’t”.
And as finally the sniffing stopped and we arrived home, I understood in a new way that my job as a Life Coach is to help my clients find ‘their belief” and then anything is possible.
And then I, went inside and talked to my daughter on Video Messenger, so nice to see her.
Many thanks to my Colleague Jason Bernic for this insightful image. People ask me every day, what does a Life Coach do? I like to say I am an Obstacle Buster, but I am not sure that answer explains it as well as this image, well we do say a picture is worth a thousand words.
So let’s break it down into words. We say to ourselves ” Let’s Do This”, whatever “this” is for each one of us. Let’s say it is building a Yoga Business. The person is keen, they know it is right for them, they are excited, they have a plan, good to go, right? Maybe. However, quite often, the answer is not quite. Why? Obstacles are in the way.
The kind of obstacles I am talking about are of our own making. The obstacles are our own thoughts. Fear, Uncertainty, Failure that kind of thing. The tricky business here is that fear is sneaky, it doesn’t show up like ” Hi I am fear, an obstacle to you reaching your goals”. No, it shows up like What ifs.” What if no one comes to my yoga classes, what if I suck as a yoga teacher.” Or, ” this is not the right time” or, or, or. See what I mean? Furthermore fear disguises itself as logical or maybe even protective ” you have too much on your plate” sneaky things like that, smart one that fear obstacle.
Uncertainty which is a subset of fear shows up like this ” You don’t have all the answers so don’t do it” It is going to be hard” or “What if all the pieces don’t fall in place?”
Failure is another subset of fear! ” What if I fail?” ( the implication being one’s world will fall apart) “What if I don’t have what it takes?”
These obstacles come in many forms, but the truth is they are all just our thoughts, they are not facts. I repeat they are just thoughts, not facts. And as we know we can choose our thoughts. So for example ” What if my yoga classes are full? What if I find all the answers I need to build my yoga business.” These thoughts are in fact the obstacle busters. When we clear out those fears we come back to excitement about whatever it is we want to achieve.
Happy Canada Day. I am grateful to call this beautiful country home.
One of the most powerful tools we humans have is our thoughts. Our thoughts create so much of our reality and we have something like 60,000 of them a day. The great news is we can choose thoughts that serve us well and toss out the others, put them in the junk folder so to speak. Changing thoughts is one of the biggest tools in the coaching tool chest!
So listen to this for a timely example.
At our beautiful lake property, I came across this, tree stump. You should have heard me.” Oh my god, someone chopped down our tree, who do they think they are???, what is this place coming to.”.That sort of thing. Was I ever mad!!! I mean really!
Martin my sweet husband and the great love of my life says ” Sweetie, look, those are teeth marks, a beaver took the tree!’
“Ahh the cute little beavers, they got our tree isn’t that sweet. Our tree is part of their house to protect them from the winter ahhhhhhhh”, I thought to myself! Funny, eh?
What I actually did was change my thought and that changed my experience of the cut tree and my day.
The Thought model looks like this.
Circumstance: The facts of the situation ( cut tree)
Thoughts What you think about the circumstance. ( not facts just your thoughts)
Feeling/Emotions What you feel in response to your thoughts ( I was mad because I thought people had cut my tree)
Actions What actions you take from your feelings ( I was ranting and raving because I was mad because I thought that the people chopped down the tree)
Results What are the results of your actions ( Mine was wasted energy)
Here is what it looks like in a thought model.
Circumstance:
Tree cut
Thought
Some person cut our tree
Feeling
Mad, outraged
Action
Ranting and raving
Result
wasted energy
By changing our thoughts we change our feelings, action and results so here is what the thought model looks like once I thought it was a beaver.
Circumstance
Cut tree ( stays the same)
Thought
Oh a beaver did it
Feeling
Happy, proud to help the beaver
Action
Smiling
Result
A charming lake experience
So the thought models clearly show that the circumstance which in this case is the cut tree stays the same. However and so importantly and powerfully, by changing my thought about who/what did it, I change my feeling/emotion, and then my actions and results change.
I think of it as a Coaching Magic Wand. It changes how you feel and literally changes your life.
So try it out on this Canada Day or any other day.
I am more than happy to help you with this or all things coaching!
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach who talks the talk and walks the coaching walk.
” What ya doin”, I said to my housemate, ( the one that just graduated with honors in biochemistry and genetics). ” Practicing making your special dinner” she replied! It had occurred to me to ask her to make a special Chinese dinner before she goes home to China. ” Hmm” I said and thought! I guess practice is how you get honors in a double science major.”
I started to think about the idea of Practice. I think it is a little old-fashioned and a bit quaint. For me, it conjures up tortuous hours of “practicing” the piano against my will or “practicing” sewing when I just wanted to get to the “real” thing.
I started thinking about babies when they learn to walk, I don’t think they are ‘practicing” what they are doing! And when they fall they don’t quit and label themselves ” not good at walking”!
I don’t think I am the only one who feels this way about ” practice”! Am I? I have clients who want to make changes in their lives. often one of their first thoughts is ” I can’t’ Or “It will be hard”, meaning too hard. We live in a world of photoshop and seemingly instant perfection in others and so we say to ourselves, things like ” I can’t” or I am too something or other to do that.
What if we changed our thinking? What if we became more baby-like in our approach? What if we looked at practice as something other than tortuous hard work?
Take yoga for example. We practice yoga. We go to our mats each day (well I do) in order to go through the postures and breathe. Not to practice making a mythical perfect downward-facing dog ( Ruffus does that), but we go to our mats to practice yoga.
After more consideration of this practice thing, I realized two important points, important at least for me and maybe for you as well. The two points are desire and judgment.
Desire means, do you even want to do the thing that may require practice? So my housemate wants to make a lovely and tasty dinner leading her to want to practice making it! Babies want to learn to walk and so even though they don’t call it practice they in fact do it over and over again until they can walk! When I was a kid trying for the Gold President’s Physical Fitness Award, I practiced throwing a softball which was my weak link for hours and I loved it. Oh, how I wanted that award ( I got it)!
The second point is judgment! I think babies observe what doesn’t work when they are learning to walk, so they evaluate things like balance and slippery rugs but they don’t judge themselves or their ability to learn to walk. When I am skiing, I evaluate my turns and learn from them but I don’t judge my skiing or myself.
Quite a different experience than feeling forced to do something that you don’t even want to do. Like me and my piano lessons. I was never going to want to be or be a concert pianist and so practicing the way I was told to do, felt like torture!
I don’t know that I have a conclusion to these musings. I do know that for me I am changing my thoughts about “practice” to something more gentle, something more in the moment, something less result-oriented even knowing that results occur from “practice” like babies start walking and clients stop smoking and we grow and change. Maybe we choose to do things that we want to do, rather than trying to be perfect at everything!
I am hoping that these thoughts find their way to those who need them.
Susy is a Life Coach. She talks the talk and walks the walk of Coaching!
What a moment it is, eh? The Graduation Music wafts in and the graduates march in to take their seats. All the work, the papers, the presentations, and the marks are done, and now is the time to celebrate.
Martin and I found ourselves sitting in the Great Hall last week, full of pride and memories as we attended as the parental representatives, the convocation of one of our little housemates. She is here from China and earned a double major with honors in subjects we can hardly pronounce let alone understand, to do with biochemistry and genetics and changing DNA. It is a lot, isn’t it? She has been in a foreign country, studying in her non-native English, far away from home and family, during the pandemic and she did it. and she did it with honors.
The University President’s voice boomed through the now quiet hall. He spoke of grit, resilience, and determination and how deep these graduates had to dig during this time of the pandemic, during these past two and a bit years of nothing being close to normal. Mostly, he spoke of pride. He spoke of how incredibly proud he and the rest of the University are of these youngsters. And that is how we felt, bursting with pride and joy for each and every one of them!
Later on, we showed our love and pride by hosting lobster dinner, scallops, hodgepodge ( a Nova Scotian treat), and my World Famous Blueberry pie, we did it all up in fine style!
And I got to thinking just how incredibly important it is that we take time to Celebrate. I am thinking of my clients, who are making changes in their lives, big and small each day. It takes the same determination, grit, and resilience to start exercising, quit smoking, and eat healthfully as it does to earn a University degree. It takes both mental grease and elbow grease to get the job done. We, humans, have a tendency to skip the celebration part, don’t we? I know someone who lost 25 lbs, he was like “oh great” for two seconds, and then on to the next 25 he wanted to lose. I am saying NO!. Stop. Celebrate. Feel the Pride. Let the Joy in. Have your own little Convocation each day!
Last week my computer died! It didn’t owe me anything, it was very old. Still, I had to replace it. I am not a fan of dealing with technology, to put it mildly. So I had to dig down to get the job done, I had to figure it out step by step until I brought the new one home. So you know what? I am celebrating this moment. I am letting myself feel the joy, the relief, and the excitement. and my kitty cat and I are taking a few moments to dance Salsa around the kitchen.
So, at the end of February or so, I started going to Orange Theory. It required a big mindset shift for me, cuz I had all these little worries about going! Sort of like, being too old, too weak, or too something or other. I found my way around those obstacles and have been going faithfully ever since. Twice a week I don my swanky heart rate monitor and out the door, I go to earn splats. I know isn’t that funny? Splats are points you get for raising your heart rate and that is only part of why I go. I go cuz I love running, I love being fit and I love having time just for me. It is an ultimate form of self-care.
Anyway, I was expecting to write an inspiring post about changing mindsets and celebrating my 27 th workout, and getting a little “way to go sign”. I had it planned to share how by changing a mindset, you can change your life and really Start Living your best life.
When whack, my flip-flopped baby toe hit the corner of an ottoman, baby toes hurt a lot, you know this if you have ever whacked one. Within a few minutes, I started to doubt my ability to earn splat points on the treadmill in 45 minutes when class was to start. Frustrated and disappointed I decided to go to class and see what I could do. When I got there I got a stationary bike instead of a treadmill and the workout was just fine. OK so maybe I didn’t get a lot of splat points but I went and had fun.
The point here is not actually my baby toe or splat points. The point is actually about honoring our commitments to ourselves. It is about doing what we say we will do, even when it is hard, and also about finding ways to adapt to the circumstances as need be. It is about talking the talk and walking the walk of change.
We humans have a funny way of wiggling out of things when they are hard don’t we? We can convince ourselves of so many sneaky little lies, like being too tired, or it doesn’t matter, or I’ll do it tomorrow. The good news is we also can choose to honour our commitments to ourselves. When we do that we get more splat points. We become unstoppable, we achieve results, we become empowered we Start Living.
I hope this little story about baby toes and Splat Points has been helpful.
You may have heard about this law of attraction stuff…… in a nutshell it means what we think and do and believe we attract into our lives. Kind of like our thoughts and energy are magnets and they attract stuff in our lives. So the theory goes, if you want more good, think and do good, if you want more negativity think and do negative things. There is a lot of detail to go with this theory like what the subconscious is doing and so on but what is important is the simple basic concept, we get more in our life of what we think and do.
This brings me to Saturday morning. In Nova Scotia we have this saying, it is ” Kurplunking”, I know funny word, eh? It means to go out and follow your nose, with no plan or goal just go and be. I love kurplunking. It is a time for recharging and adventure and well, it is so fun. So last Saturday morning I was out all alone, not even Ruffus with me! I went to the Fabric store, Superstore and had fun little interactions with folks and eventually went to the post office.
In the post office line right in front of me was a young man trying to change a money order. It seemed rather complicated and even the postmistress had to call Ottawa for instructions and there seemed to be a lot of sighing going on from all directions. The line was about ten people long and growing. I was fascinated by the whole process and didn’t mind at all. Around the 20 minute mark, could have been 30 minutes, it comes to be, that the young man needs to pay a fee to complete all this. This unexpected fee threatens to become a deal-breaker or so it appears. So the money order was printed, but the youngster didn’t know about the change fee. I asked him how much it is, he says 7.50, I say I will pay it so he can have the money order and get going….. all the people in line seemed to be holding their collective breath as is the postmistress as we are all vested by now in the outcome. He protests but eventually agrees and he gets his money order and I get my stamps and so continues along the Saturday Kurplunking.
And then we get to Monday. The Sunniest day of the spring and my sunglasses pull a disappearing act, nowhere to be found. So I decided to go look at Ray-Bans. Up until now, I have been a solid dollar store sunglass wearer, but as of late I have been working on changing my relationship with money and getting things that make my heart sing. My previous relationship with money was kind of dark. I believed I had to work hard for very little and so dollar store sunglasses fit that model. My new relationship with money is that money is earned joyfully and used joyfully. Thus Ray-Bans are now possible. So off I go to the Sunglass store. My husband, Martin comes along to help me choose. A beautiful young woman named Taylor helps me patiently. I gasp at the price stickers 282.00 and so forth, but I soldier on because well, I want to change my relationship with money. At long last, I choose the pair, truly the most beautiful pair and comfortable and comforting to my eyes. As the long-haired Taylor rings them in, I start to cry to Martin. I can’t believe I am getting these beautiful glasses I say, I have waited my whole life. He coos at me and hugs me.
And suddenly the amount pops up on the cash register, it is literally half the sticker price. Smiling shyly, Taylor explains she has used her last “friends and family”discount card for me. “Your joy and tears at the sunglasses touched my heart “, she explains. Can you even? I thank her profusely And with a full heart and magnificent sunglasses I go to the car.
And that my friend is the law of attraction.
Susy Giddy is a Certified Life Coach. She walks the walk and talks the talk of coaching Check out her Blog at www.allaboutresiliency.com email at susy@cabaretelifecoaching.com or web site www.coachsusygiddy.com
I don’t know about you, but when I was younger I sort of thought things like ” I will be happy when everything is fine in my life” Like plenty of money, great job, no one sick all the things. I really thought that there would come a time in life when Shitstorms stopped and life became one big, eternal day of bliss.
Thank goodness I dropped that childlike notion and came to understand that Life is Shitstorms and Sunshine. It is true, isn’t it? Things can be going great and boom you break your shoulder and then the next thing you know the sun comes back out and your book is published! And that my friends is actually life.
I don’t think there is any point in trying to change that, cuz I don’t think it is possible. Here in my most beloved Province of Nova Scotia, I have learned a lot about Shitstorms from the rather psycho weather we have. We say if you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes. We get lots of storms here, heavy wild storms with crazy howling wind and things, not shit dropping from the sky but other things drop like hail and snow and rain and some peculiar mix of all three. And we hunker down, and lose power and eat storm chips. And then the sun comes out and we drop and I do mean quite literally drop whatever we are doing and go outside in the sunshine. The sun dapples on the water like diamonds and the sky is cloudless and you can’t imagine that a few hours ago the storm was raging. And you can’t imagine that the sunshine won’t last forever.
I think there is a lot of wisdom to be gleaned from the quixotic weather.
Accept and expect both shitstorms and sunshine in your life.
100 % this too shall pass
Celebrate the sunshine with all your heart.
Ride the shitstorms like a wave knowing this will pass
Enjoy the space between.
I have had a few of the big shitstorms in my life, death of loved ones, major car accident, divorce, financial woes, to name a few. I have learned to navigate them and I help clients navigate their Shitstorms as well. I have also enjoyed a lot of Sunshine in my life. I am married to the love of my life, have great kids, have followed so many dreams, and still following new ones Please reach out to see how my coaching can help you during Shitstorms or Sunshine.
I am by nature, the world’s biggest people pleaser. The People Pleasers People Pleaser. I say yes, when I want to say no, I try to keep others happy before myself, including BTW strangers and clerks in stores that kind of thing. It was/is pretty bad. I want to tell you if I can change ANYONE can change, you hear that ANYONE!
True story. Just yesterday, I went to a fabric store ( aside from garden centers one of my favorite places on earth). In the fabric store, I saw a ready-made couch throw, I liked it a lot, sort of. It was on sale 50% off. When I got to the cash, I asked the cashier if I could return it if it wasn’t right, she said yes. The next thing is she tells me it isn’t really 50% off, the ones next to it are) the butt ugly ones BTW. This would normally send people-pleasing me into a dither, most likely resulting in buying the item so as to not offend the clerk! ” In that case, I am afraid I won’t be taking it then”, I say politely! What???? Who said that and why?
I have learned to live my life with purpose and intention. Hang on, it is not all tricky and icky or hard. In this situation, I have two intentions operating. The first is that everything I buy needs to pass the heart singing test. This means it needs to make my heart sing, fill me with joy and happiness. The second is that I have a loving relationship with my money. I earn it joyfully and I spend it joyfully and I protect it. So when I was lukewarm about the couch throw and it wasn’t on sale, I honored my intentions of wanting things to make my heart sing and protect my money and said no to the purchase. This decision made my heart sing. This made any people-pleasing null and void and the best part? It was simple!
When I talk about Start Living. Stopping People Pleasing is part of it. It is about getting the life you want, not the life that others want for you or you think others want for you, but what you want for yourself! I know this may seem like a little example but add up many of these in a day or a week and they take up a lot of space.
I have a worksheet on setting intentions. Let me know if you would like a copy.
