The Rose

On the one year anniversary  of our son Robin’s Death, we held a ceremony of life, surrounded by friends and family, we sang, we cried and we released his ashes into the sea. And we had a Champagne toast to him and to Life.

I thought we would feel better, after all, everyone says “The first year is the worst”, right? Well. I felt worse, and so did my husband. I was sadder, madder, and more down than I had been since before Robin died, which frankly is saying a lot, this year was not exactly a cake walk, after all. To tell you the truth, I was getting worried, that my grief was turning into depression.

Robin’s Aunt Shirley, lovingly wanted to buy a White Rose to honour and celebrate Robin’s life and memory. I kept thinking ” But, I don’t want to be reminded every day of this pain”.

What was I to do? I sort of staged an Intervention for myself,and my husband ( Always the Life Coach). I MADE myself go do some fun things, things that fueled my soul and spirit, like dancing and seeing new things. I MADE myself reach out to others, I was patient with myself, I got plenty of sleep, I started two new exercise classes. I took care of myself.

Ten days went by…..” Let’s go buy Robin’s Rose today”, I said to my somewhat surprised husband. ( The last he had heard about the Rose was that seeing it would cause me pain). It is time to see the Rose, not through the lens of pain, but through the eye of love and joy. To see the rose as part of the garden, part of what makes up the whole of the garden, but it is not The Garden.

In the same way, our loss and grief is only a part of our lives, it is a part of who we are, but it dos not define us. We get to choose everyday what defines us. We choose this day to be defined by the joy, by the beauty, and by the love.

And so now, I can sit and enjoy with a loving heart the beauty of Robin’s Rose

And the greatest of these is love………