” I just hate asking for help”, said my one of my Life Coaching Clients during a recent session. We were discussing, reaching out to her community to help her solve a problem. Her resistance and dislike of asking for help, was palpable. Sadly, she is not alone, many of us resist asking for help, especially when we need it most. My client herself is happy to help others, so again like many of us she is happy to help and resists asking for it.
Read www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2015/03/24/asking-for-help-is-a-sign-of-strength-not-weakness/#7cd8c2df6e01
By not asking for help, we take on a bigger load than is necessary. We also, deprive others of experiencing the benefits of helping. Helping is good for the receiver and the giver, it spreads good feelings and a sense of well being. So why do so many of us resist asking for help.
We seems to have some beliefs about asking for help. Things like not wanting to be a burden, believing we must do it alone, not wanting to show vulnerability, wanting to appear strong, not wanting to feel obligated and so on. Maybe we get messages from others that reinforce these beliefs.
In my beloved adopted home of Cabarete, Dominican Republic, one of the things I love most is the way the community helps one another. It is as though, it is a culture that understands our mutual interdependence and it is expected that both help will be given and received. As my friend Pedro said, as we were all helping victims of a house fire. “Today it is my neighbor who needs help, but tomorrow it could be me, so I better help my neighbor.”
I suggest that the next time you need help and find yourself resisting it, check in with your thoughts and beliefs. As the chart below shows, identify the current belief and replace it with one that serves you better.
Belief vs New Belief
I will appear weak vs I will appear strong
I will be a burden vs Helping is good for the giver.
I will show my vulnerability vs Showing my vulnerability is OK
Writing your beliefs down is a great way to get clarity and make the beliefs seem more real. I suggest keeping a journal, near you so that you can capture your thoughts and beliefs.
As always, I hope this has been helpful.
Coach Susy
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping people develop Resiliency in daily life as well as supporting through times of adversity. She can be reached here in the comments or at coachsusygiddy@gmail.com