I almost don’t know where to start on the subject of Cyber Bullying. It is so big, so prevalent and so hurtful. It takes the ingredients of the worst of human nature and the instantaneous and far reaching aspects of social media, mixes them together and flings the hurtful messages literally world wide! It seems to come out of no where and lands like a bomb into the life of the recipient, and like an exploding bomb, delivers it’s painful shrapnel. The wounds show up as, a horrible mixture of pain, anger, sadness, shame and humiliation to name a few. In the middle of  this, is the horrible fear that maybe what the bully said is true. Maybe, I am unlikeable, unloveable, fat, ugly, or whatever the insult is that has been hurdled. And if this is true, I better not tell anyone about the bullying, because then others will know this horrible truth as well. So adding to the pain is a sense of isolation. As the use of Social Media increases, sadly so does Cyber Bullying.

The truth is bullying knows no boundaries, no subject is off limits, it aims only to hurt. No one is immune, we hear often about children and teenagers being bullied but the truth is anyone at any age and stage can be bullied and we need to learn how to handle it. I know this because, I have recently been the object of Cyber Bullying. I understand how painful it is! I understand how awful it is and I am beginning to understand the basics of handling bullying, thanks in large part to my colleague Nathan Segal, who reached out to me with kindness and information during the bullying crisis.

What I learned that Really Helped

Bullies aren’t like normal people. Bullying is not normal behavior. Bullies don’t feel bad about bullying.  So there is no point in interacting with them as if they are normal people! As a matter of fact, arguing, reasoning, reacting, seems to be what they want and will most likely make things worse. The bully feeds off upsetting people, crying, talking, getting angry fuels the bully. I never understood this before reading  Nathan’s book. I always thought, “talking it through”, ” trying to solve the problem”,like one would with others, was the way to handle bullying, but if anything this is giving bullies what they want. So the only way to handle a bully is to not interact.

This lead me to an Action plan. It is simple, quick, easy and effective.

1. Do Not interact with the bully. It is not going to help, it will likely make matters worse.

2. Report the bullying to Facebook or whatever social media you are dealing with. Ban and hide message immediately.

3. Seek support immediately. Don’t sit with the bullying in isolation.

Taking these steps will immediately, stop the current bullying, act as practical protection and diffuse the power of the bullying.

As we build Resiliency, we build the skills to face what Life Brings. Sadly, Cyber Bullying has become a part of life that many of us face. When I was being bullied, I found that understanding the nature of the bully and following these three steps was a great tool to have in dealing with it. I hope this helps you as well.