Disappointments are part of life, from big to little and everything in between. We think we have a hole in one, and the ball misses by a sliver, we think we have the new contract, and we are told we are a close, close, second, we think a new friend is trustworthy and we find out, well not so much. As far as I can tell it is just a part of life. Furthermore, the more we strive for success, the bigger our dreams, the more likely we are to run into disappointments, because we are putting so much out there.
Many people will tell you that disappointment is related to expectation, if we expect to win, gain, receive and don’t we become disappointed. And I agree wholeheartedly. Their answer? Stop expecting. No expectation = no disappointment. I could not disagree more. Why? First of all, I don’t really get how it is possible. I think expecting to do well, dream big, love fully is part of a joyful life and yes that puts us at risk for disappointment but also sets us up for great joy fulfillment and love. So I accept that disappointment is part of life. The key for me is not getting stuck in disappointment, for being stuck in disappointment looks and feels like discouragement or quitting and that in my books is not OK.
Here are 6 Tips for Moving On from Disappointment.
Acknowledge your reality and the emotions that come with it. It is Ok to be sad, frustrated, angry. Feel the feelings, talk, cry, write whatever works for you, but feel it, the sooner the better. You are allowed to be upset if you are disappointed. One of the great ironies of life is that by trying to hold back emotion we actually prolong the pain, feel it and it will pass. How you ever noticed, we can’t actually cry forever?
Get some perspective from a trusted friend, family member or professional. A loving but objective perspective can really help you see things more clearly, which takes some if not all of the sting out of the disappointment.
Do not take it personally. Whatever the disappointment is, it is not because of who you are as a person. If you are not chosen for a job, it is not because of who you are, there may be many reasons for the decision but it is not because of you.
What can you change about the situation? Would you handle things differently next time? Can you have a belief shift? Can you see things from an objective point of view?
Gratitude. Even in the midst of disappointment, there are always reasons to be grateful for what is. Experience gratitude in your heart and the disappointment will recede.
Most important. Go back to the drawing board, a quaint and bit old fashioned term for getting back at it as soon as possible.
Let’s take a real-life example to see how this works. One of my clients, Mary Lou ( name changed to protect privacy) experienced a classic disappointment last week. Mary Lou, a beautiful, fit woman in her early 50s dreams of building her yoga/ coaching online business, she is hard working, determined and talented. Mary Lou called me to joyfully tell me getting the perfect new client, Mary Lou was so excited and pleased. The next day Mary Lou received an e-mail from the client, saying she had changed her mind as was choosing another coach. Mary Lou was deeply disappointed, she called me so we could work through the situation. First, acknowledged, her disappointment and accompanying feels of frustration, confusion, sadness, and confusion. Second, she sought perspective. Interestingly, she used social media and posted the situation on a professional page. From this, she received lots of feedback and encouragement. Third, she refused to take it personally, she knows she is great at what she does and acknowledged that the client’s decision was not a reflection of Mary Lou. Fourth, she chose to change the way she was perceiving the client’s choice, she chose to believe the client was choosing the best coach for her and that other clients would choose Mary Lou. Next, she actively, sought gratitude for specific good things in her life, making the disappointment feel smaller. Finally, the next day she continued with her work, she went back to the drawing board, and in fact, received a request from another client who wants to work with her. Mary Lou, experienced disappointment, learned and moved on very quickly. She did not let her disappointment turn into being discouraged.
As always, I hope this has been helpful,
Coach Susy
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is getting clients the results they want in their lives. She can be reached at susy@cabaretelifecoaching.com.
Finding our own way to do things, our own life path is both vitally important to living a full, joyous, authentic life and at the same time not so easy, particularly if your chosen path is different from those around you. In addition, in this day and age of social media and Google, we have an incredible amount of information coming at us, from experts of all types, each advising and promoting their own point of view, it is easy for us to forget, that each and every one of us is, in fact, an expert in our own lives.
When my husband and I decided to follow our dream and move to Cabarete, Dominican Republic our joyful announcement was met with looks of incredulity. How could we leave our life, our home, our business, our roots? People just don’t do this sort of thing, the looks and silences said. However, a mere 4 months later, having made the move, we realized we were surrounded by many others who had also found their own paths and were living their version of the dream.
This and many other such experiences of following my own life path have led me to the following 5 Tips.
Listen to your own voice, intuition, heart’s desire or whatever else you want to call it! Listen carefully, it may shout at you, if so you are lucky. It may also speak quietly, it may be hidden, it may be dismissed as ” only a dream”. Our dream of moving to a Carribean Island was screaming at us. I would stand on the beach and want with all my heart to call that spot home.
2. Listen also to what is not right for you. Listen for words like ” should, ought to, must”, frequently they signal, messages from someone other than ourselves. Listen to your body, for signals like a tight neck, tense stomach, for the body can show us what is not right for us. As loudly as the dream called to us to move to Cabarete, the reason why not to, shouted back! Are you crazy? You love your home. You love your business. Who does this? You can’t. We hired a coach to help us combat the yeah buts!
3. Surround yourself with others who follow their own path. They will inspire you, encourage you and support you as you follow your own path. I was shown at an early age by my parents, that no dream was too big, no wallet too small, as they carted three kids around the world to follow their dreams!
4. It is OK to be nervous or scared on your path. This does not mean the path is not correct, it just means it is new and there will be lots of emotion. When we were making the move to Cabarete, we were scared, nervous, excited, sad to leave, sometimes all at once, but we saw those as part of the process, not as a sign to give up.
5. Believe and never give up. Henry Ford once said “ If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right”e believed 100% in our dream and did everything it took to make it happen and it did.
As always, I hope this has been helpful to you as you follow your path.
Warmly,
Coach Susy
Susy Giddy is a certified Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping people find and lead their best lives. She can be reached at susy@cabaretelifecoahing.com
” Just Do The Next Right Thing” Such wise words. Whether we are facing something hard or following our dreams, we only ever need to ” Just Do The Next Right Thing”. And repeat and before you know it we have a string of the Next Right things and have gotten where we want to be. What is Your Next Right thing for today?
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties helping clients become more Resilient to life’s ups and downs. She can be reached at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy
Guilt, is part of being human. We all suffer from it from time to time and that’s OK. What is not OK is when we imprison ourselves, get stuck or essentially handcuff ourselves to patterns of thinking, behaving or beliefs, because we are trapped by what I call ” Toxic Guilt”. Toxic guilt stays inside us, like a poison, eating away at us. It shows up in thoughts, that are destructive, like feeling unworthy or not deserving, in behaviors like over eating, drinking, working, blaming, shaming and so on. It keeps us in the past, it keep us from making choices for the present moment based on what happened in the past. It destroys our ability to be in the present. It keeps us in situations, such as bad marriages, unfulfilling relationships,unhealthy work environments and so much more. As some folks would say ” it sucks”!
There is a place for guilt! I call that Good Guilt! Good Guilt keeps us following rules, like stopping at traffic lights and paying taxes. It keeps us being polite, it helps to do the right thing, like showing compassion for others even if inconvenient, it may even get us into the dentist and annual checkups and many of the other myriad of things that we must do to keep life moving along in an orderly, healthy, civilized and compassionate fashion. So I am not talking here about busting Good Guilt.
I am talking about when guilt crosses over to become toxic. This is a big subject, but for me, the two most important aspects of Toxic guilt are: 1.Toxic guilt makes you feel responsible when you are not. Like feeling responsible for someone else’s happiness, feeling like something has to be perfect, compromising your own well being for someone else’s that kind of things. 2.The other main way that toxic guilt shows up, is it twists the truth and makes us lose sight of the reality of the situation. These two concepts work together. By feeling overly responsible we are warping the truth of a situation and changing the reality. This leads us to think something was our fault and feeling guilty when it is not accurate. This is beautifully described in Truly Madly Guilty by Liane Moriarty. Spoiler Alert!!!! The story depicts, three families at a backyard barbecue, a near tragic incident occurs, and all of the characters, believe that they are responsible, at fault for the incident, they feel responsible for something that was not their responsibility and they twist the facts of what happened to make reality agree with their own guilty version of the incident. It is an amazingly brilliant description of how Toxic Guilt works.
The origins of guilt are complex, from family belief systems, genetics, gender, cultural belief, religious back grounds and so on. The really great news, is we get to choose, what we believe which frees us to make new choices based on the present instead of reacting based on our past!
The 5 Steps to Guilt Busting are:
CONFESS or TELL a trusted person, whether spouse, friend, family member, clergy person or professional ( Life Coach for example), your story. I use the word confess because it is in the unlocking of the story and the telling of it that the freedom from its handcuffs begins. There is immediate relief, a lightening of the load of the burden as we let it out. It frees the heart, mind, and body of the energy of keeping it inside. I see clients whole bodies, faces and eyes change once their story is out!
FACT CHECKING In the telling of the story, a ” fact check” occurs. This is super important because it will reveal, for example, who or what else was involved ( keeping you from feeling over-responsible and check for the truth making sure that reality is not twisted).
OBSERVATION Once the story is told, and the facts checked, the third step is to observe with an objective and compassionate eye. Look for what actually happened, who was involved, where were others responsible, was there a constellation of events. An honest look, not one driven by toxic guilt!
Learn. This process allows you to learn from the past instead of beating yourself up and imprisoning your self. Like when babies are learning to walk, they observe what bumps make them fall down, I don’t think they judge themselves or feel guilty for falling they observe and adjust. So, by understanding, your take aways from a past situation, you can get an accurate understanding of what was your part of a situation, what wasn’t your part, and make decisions or choices about how to show up the next time something similar happens.
Choose. Now the really great part starts. Free from the chains of feeling overly responsible and twisting the truth to change reality, we get to choose a new way of thinking feeling and believing, it is called freedom. So, by understanding, your take aways from a past situation, you can get an accurate understanding of what was your part of a situation, what wasn’t your part, and make decisions or choices about how to show up the next time something similar happens.
Let’s see how this works. I have a client named Jeffrey, a handsome 47 year old lawyer from Quebec. His wife, Sally was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Jeffrey came to me for coaching to help him handle the diagnosis and the responsibilities as care taker. Jeffrey felt guilty about Sally’s breast cancer, he felt like it was his responsibility. In session, we followed the Guilt Buster exercise.
Step 1. Confess or tell. Jeffrey told me that Sally had been putting off going for her annual check ups for three years, at first he didn’t think much of it, but after three years she finally went and that was when the lump was discovered and the diagnosis of cancer given. Jeffrey, feels like it is his fault that she did not go to the doctor, there fore it is his fault she has cancer.
Step 2. Fact check. After telling me his story, Jeffrey felt great relief, his face looked calmer and his body less rigid. Together, we went over the facts. We checked in right away to see whose responsibility it is to get to the doctor. We agreed it was Sally’s. We checked for truth twisting to see if Jeffrey was changing the facts to make his reality of being guilty seem more real. We found out that he believed he should have made her go to the doctor, once he acknowledged this he could let go of the guilt.
Step 3. Observation In a calmer state from telling his story, and having fact checked, Jeffrey was able to observe, that other circumstances were going on at the time, Sally, had been busy starting her own architectural firm, there was a doctor shortage in Quebec, Jeffrey had been promoted to VP of the University and their children were busy getting married and having children. So he was able to observe the surrounding circumstances and understand he was not the only player.
4. Learn. Once this was all out, Jeffrey could learn from the situation. He understood with a clear mind and heart what happened and what his role was as well as the role of the other factors.
5. Choose. Jeffrey was now free to choose how he wanted to show up for his wife and her breast cancer rather than reacting due to his hidden guilt.
As always, I hope this guide is helpful. It is dedicated to my clients from whom I have learned so much!
All the best,
Coach Susy
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping clients move through adversity and challenges as quickl and easily as possible. She can be reached at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy
Many of us live in a state of chronic stress or what I call Toxic stress. Stress plays havoc, with our health, well being, our enjoyment in life, and in the long term can lead to major health concerns, like cancer, depression, heart disease, auto-immune disorders, it can even change the structure of our genes, not a good thing!!!!
Our bodies are built to handle threats ( stress), in short bursts, such as running away from or fighting, dinosaurs or other situations which threaten our lives. The stress hormones activate, allowing us to take care of T-Rex, or a tricky traffic situation and then return to normal states, allowing the feel good, calming hormones to take over from the short term stress hormones.
I think of Ruffus, our beloved rescue dog, running along in the forest, he sees something out of the ordinary, assesses it as fight, flight or (being a dog, a pee on it situation) deals with it and gets on with his walk or even a nap. Like the other day, he saw a fallen tree across our path, lord only knows what he thought it was initially, some kind of tree-like animal? So he approached it carefully, barking at it, and once he ascertained that in fact it was a fallen tree, anointed it and kept going!
We humans don’t do that these days. We go from one stressful situation to another, and instead of relaxing when it is over, we are on to reacting to the next situation, and pretty soon we are stuck on a never-ending “high alert” mode. Not knowing the difference between a true threat, like a dinosaur approaching and a phone dinging with a text message to be answered.
The reasons for this ” Toxic Stress”, that we find ourselves in, are numerous. We live in a fast-changing world and a fast-paced world! Just as an example of the pace, is the way technology has changed the way we communicate. Long gone, are the days when a letter was mailed and a response expected sometime later, but not instantly. Gone also are the days when phones rang as busy when occupied. Now we have instant and multiple responses and phones, ringing while texts are arriving, while e-mails are beeping, and social media is tweeting at us, constantly. There is pressure to respond immediately and if we don’t the complicated algorithms of Facebook and platforms such as AIRBNB, penalize us for a “slow response” ( of a few hours)!
But no matter the reasons, for the Toxic Stress, we all have a magic tool, in our own minds for managing it. I call it magic, because although we may not be able to control, all the events in our lives, we can control our reaction to it. How? By applying a simple Formula, like math.
Here is how it works:
Event + Response= Outcome . Simple, yes? So something happens (Event) + our response ( Response) = Our reaction, stressed or not stressed ( Outcome)
We get to choose our response. I am going to repeat that, we get to choose our response. By choosing our response, we choose the outcome. This is the magical part, we don’t have to be stressed, we can literally choose not to be.
Let me give you an example:
Event
Phone dings with text at 6:00 PM.
Response
You look at it, it is from your boss, it is asking a tough question, you don’t know the answer, you don’t know how to get the answer, your mind is going down a train track to worry, the squirrels are chattering, maybe you will lose your job, your house, your family and lord knows what else.
Outcome
You become stressed, grumpy, irritable, maybe you have an extra glass of wine, maybe you crunch on junk food, maybe a sleepless or restless night follows and you wake up out of sorts and worried.
OR
Event
Phone dings with a text at 6:00 PM
Response
You don’t look at it because you don’t look at texts after 6:00. You have a nice dinner, do your yoga, read your book and go to sleep waking up refreshed.
Outcome.
You do not experience any stress over the text, you have a relaxing evening and a rejuvenating sleep.
It really is like magic, It is about our own responses to the event. We get to choose our response and therefore our outcomes.
But, but, but, you may well be thinking! I can’t….. I can’t not look at my phone or, or what?? This is the challenging part. We need to challenge the beliefs we have that lead us to our responses and negative outcomes. Although we can have many beliefs that don’t serve us very well, most if not all come down to one, Fear. Fear of losing something, fear of not being perfect, fear of there not being enough and so on. So to make it easier for you to challenge your ” yeah buts”, ask yourself what fear is driving you?
Here is an example from my own life. AIRBNB has an algorithm that places your listing according to a number of factors, reviews, number of stays and RESPONSE time to requests for reservations. If you do not answer quickly enough they send you a reminder, and your rating is lowered. I can literally go to sleep, receive a request and if I don’t answer it, I have a reminder by the time I wake up in the morning. At first, this led me to keep my phone on all the time, so I wouldn’t miss requests. This led to a lot of stress, the dinging and blinging of my phone was calling me 24/ 7. One day I said to myself,” I am going to turn my devices off at 5:00 PM.” The Yeah Buts popped up as I challenged the belief that I needed to be available 24/7. I discovered FEAR lurking in my belief. Fear that my AIRBNB rating would go down, fear that the rental property income would go down and so on. Once the fear was recognized and out, I could choose, my response as opposed to being driven by the unconscious fear. I chose, by the way, to turn the devices off, knowing the risk to my AIRBNB rating, but preferring to not have the stress of being on 24/7.
So the next time an event occurs in your life, notice how your response to the event is directly related to the outcome. Choose, your response, challenge the belief that is driving it if you come up with resistance to it, look for the fear-based negative belief, and be free to choose your response. I suggest you practice this with something that is relatively easy and simple for you so that you can experience the difference in outcomes according to your response. This will help prepare you for when something more challenging comes along.
Important note, this is for toxic stress situations, not to be used when a dinosaur or other threat is in your path.
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping clients to become more Resilient to life’s ups and downs, both big and small. She can be reached for questions or to book an appointment at https://calendly.com/coachsusygiddy
I would like to thank LIVING INTERNATIONAL magazine for featuring an article about my journey as a coach in their “Income Overseas” column. Special thanks to Jason Holland author of this piece. Please enjoy this re-print:
Life Coach Creates Her Ideal Caribbean Career – by Jason Holland
Susy Giddy has always had a knack for coaching … helping people overcome what is preventing them from achieving a goal. In her native Halifax, Canada, Susy was a tennis coach. In her new home of Cabarete—a lively beach town on the Dominican Republic’s north coast—she works in a different type of coaching that’s even more rewarding.
Living by the beach in Cabarete means Susy, a life coach, can practice what she preaches.
She’s a certified life coach who helps people “be the best version of themselves.” She has had her practice, Cabarete Life Coaching (see: Facebook.com/cabaretelifecoaching), since 2009, the same year she and her husband, Martin, moved to the Caribbean island.
“A life coach helps people follow their dreams, improve their relationships and friendships, and reduce anxiety and stress,” says Susy. “I have clients all over the world who I work with through Skype. I like to work with someone for a minimum of three months, because that’s the amount of time it takes to form a new habit. I also have clients here in Cabarete for things like crisis management for break-ups. I try to be supportive… loving. Just like I was when I was a tennis coach. What I enjoy most about coaching is hard to describe. You see somebody who’s stuck just…get it. That’s what I love. That’s why I coach.”
When Susy and Martin, a retired architect, moved to Cabarete, it was quite a process. That’s because Susy wasn’t just a tennis coach; they also owned an indoor tennis club. That had to be sold. Plus, like many would-be expats, the couple had a “lifetime of stuff.”
They sought the services of a coach to help them plan and execute their move within four months of deciding to leave Canada. That’s when Susy was first exposed to this industry. And it inspired her to pursue her new career. Her new work and life on the beach are a far cry from a harried existence back home.
“One reason we left Canada is that we were always thinking of the next thing we had to do. We were never really paying attention to the present. Here, we have more time to sit down and have a conversation…you can be present,” says Susy. “I remember one time we went skiing in Canada and I had my cellphone to my ear the whole time. I was taking business calls non-stop. I was never able to unplug.”
Her new business, for which she draws on her past experience as a business owner and tennis coach, gives her a very flexible schedule.
“I do my work when I want to work. It’s perfect for me and gives me a great life,” says Susy
“I have clients all over the world.”
The couple bought their first condo in 2004, in a gated complex just outside town. These days, they rent that one out and live in a second condo they later bought in the same development. This provides them monthly income. And, notes Susy, their condos are now worth three to four times what they were when they bought them.
Susy and Martin definitely stay active. You can often find them taking long walks on the beach with their locally adopted dog, Rufus. They’re avid runners and salsa dancers. The couple is active in the community too, including volunteer work at the local spay and neuter clinic. In her role as a life coach, Susy is also an integral part of the local community of health and wellness practitioners, which includes healers of all kinds.
It’s a diverse population in Cabarete.
“There are young retirees in their 50s and retirees all the way up to their 80s,” says Susy. “A lot of people here are in their 30s and 40s, raising their families. They work online or have businesses. It’s a very active and healthy community, with a lot of yoga and fitness activities. There are people from all over the world, speaking English, French, and, of course, Spanish.”
Cabarete has found fame as one of the world’s top windsurfing and kiteboarding locales, drawing enthusiasts from around the globe. Still, there is plenty to do even when you’re not on the water.
The beach is lined with restaurants and bars right on the sand. There is live music seemingly every night of the week, as well as craft fairs and other special events. And it doesn’t break the bank to enjoy yourself.
“In Halifax, a dinner, like a couple of burgers and two glasses of wine, was $75. It’s way cheaper to eat out here. The exact same meal in Cabarete costs one-third of that,” says Susy.
The Dominican Republic is a Spanishspeaking country. But in an area like Cabarete, which is frequented by expats and tourists, speaking the language isn’t a necessity. Still, it’s important to learn what you can if you want to have a richer experience.
“I took Spanish classes when we first came down here. I struggled with all the irregular verbs. Now I just try to communicate,” says Susy.
The couple has seen a lot of changes in their community.
“When we came in 2002 we had to pack everything but the kitchen sink. Now we can get everything we need here. There are three different places to get organic veggies and eggs. There are gluten-free aisles. You can get quinoa. It’s very convenient,” notes Susy.
So far in my life, I have had the greatest of joys, my children, and grandchild, my career as a coach, living the dream of moving to live on a tropical island, living the dream of living at my favorite ski hill, but by the far the best has been being married to the great love of my life, my husband Martin. To love and be loved, to walk side by side all the days of my life with my great love. is the greatest gift of life. Alongside the great joys, have been the great sorrows. My baby brother died tragically at the age of 14, I was married to an abusive man, I survived by a miracle what should have been a fatal car accident, I have lived for 17 years while our son slowly died of brain cancer, I have placed his ashes on top of a ski hill and have released his ashes for the final farewell to the sea. All of this I have lived and loved.
With out any doubt in all of this, this tapestry of love and life, that is my story, the most terrifying words I have ever heard, are the words to my husband ” We suspect you have prostate cancer, we hope it hasn’t gone to your bones”. Cancer, will not take the great love of my life, I swore to myself, not by under my watch. What follows is the story, not over yet, but according to the latest medical tests, the prostate has shrunk by one third and is now a normal size for a man his age, and the nodules have disappeared, it is a story of belief!
I know that this is going to seem a bit or maybe a lot out there, but the path to health started at our Vet’s office. Please bear with me here! Our rather famous dog Ruffus, floppy ear and all, has chronic ear infections, so on an otherwise innocuous visit to none other than Dr, Bob, for Ruffus’ ear our journey started. ” It may be out there” said Dr. Bob,” but try cannabis oil on his ear, it is known to literally rub away tumours.” That statement told me that this man was something special. And before I knew it, out came tumbling our story, about the accident, Robin and the latest, the high PSA and cancer threat, into that wise and knowing face and eyes I told it all.
And so Ruffus'( he is actually a trained medical doctor as well) vet explained to us that, cells can go a bit whacky, and they just need to get back on track. He gave us an anti cancer protocol to follow, which aims to give the cells what they need so they stop going whacky. He recommended Resveratrol and Zinc, to help the cells start returning to normal, we started it immediately. But then he looked at me and said ” You have been through great trauma, and you need help. it is in that moment that I believed! I see it in your face, he said, I see it in your eyes. I knew this was a man that could see what all the others had not and I knew I could trust him and believe his wisdom.
The Prostate Wellness Program that we have been following is based on the belief that if the body can become unwell, the body also has the ability to heal itself. We know from the science of epigenetics, that genes that have been stressed for too long, stop functionning properly and cause disease, we also know that the genes can gain start functionning when the stress is removed. We were built to handle stress in short bursts, like when threatened, and then return to normal. We were not built to live day in and day out, year in and year out in a state of stress reaction! Stress comes in three main ways. Physical stress, biological stress and emotional stress. Martin had a broken neck ( physical stress), accumulated biological stress ( from toxins in foods, air and other environmental toxins and emotional stress ( from losing a son) all in less than one year. I wasn’t really surprised that all of the trauma he had been through showed up in his body. The Prostate Wellness Program that we are following has been developed to holistically, provide his mind and body the tools it needs to heal.
Nutrition, the foods we eat or don’t eat have a major impact on our health. So, some foods build the immune system, some foods fight or kill cancer and some foods are to be avoided because they add to the stress load.The diet is comprised of lots and lots of vegetables, cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage,onions, garlic, carrots, ginger, pumpkin seeds, figs, and coconut oil are foods knowns to fight cancer cells, so Martin eats a lot of them. We have teas made of ginger, tumeric, green tea, graviola( from a tropical fruit, known to be 10,000 more powerful killing cancer cells than chemotherapy, and lemon and honey which has an anti microbial effect, which he drinks through out the day.
We avoid beef , replacing it with chicken, pork and fish, I buy wild fish and grain fed meat and chicken. We have organic whole and ancient grains like quinoa. We avoid dairy, sugar and wheat because those are hard on his body and we want to make things easy.
We take a probiotic to make sure that digestion is efficient and allows nutrients to be absorbed and drink Kombucha ( learning to make it at home).
We cut way back on the amount of wine we drink, it had been creeping up throughout the stress of the past couple of years. This relieves stress on our bodies, particularly the liver, which needs to be focused on removing toxins from the body, and not dealing with excess alchohol.We have added in red wine when possible because it has Reversatrol in it, which among other benefits helps kills cancer cells and changes the genes in cancer cells, preventing them from fully expressing themselves.
We basically do not eat processed foods and “eat clean” , meaning foods as close to their original state as possible. I read the ingredients and if there are more than three or four and or I don’t know what they mean I don’t buy them. If my grandmothers would not have recognized it as food, I don’t buy it! I make salad dressing at home which is full of anti cancer ingredients such as garlic, black pepper, tumeric and coconut oil and does not have any of the additives that store bought dressing have, It is even easy to make homemade mayonaise. I tried to make ketsup but so far without much success!
In order to make sure his cells have what they need Martin takes supplements. Resveratrol a powerful antioxidant, Zinc, which all cells need to function properly, Viatmin D3 ( a lack of which is associated with prostate cancer) AHCC to support the immune system, Omega 3s and Curcumin, which kills cancer cells.
I believe that the physical stress Martin has experienced needs to get out of his body. His head hit the roof of the car after turning over at 65 miles per hour and broke his neck at C2 ( often called hang man’s veterbrae for obvious reasons). Although the fracture healed beautifully, his body sustained a physical trauma, for example, he now has over all muscle hypertensiveness, so the physical part of the program is aimed to get it out, so his cells can work efficiently and smoothly.
Regular exercise to the point of sweating, just pounds it out. Martin is a runner, so he, Ruffus and I run 4 times a week.
Yoga, a practice that unifies the mind, the body and the heart, helps get the tension out of all three, we practice yoga, also including Ruffus nearly 7 days a week. It is in this practice that we are aiming to get the stress out of the body, so that the mind will be calm, a calm mind can heal the body.
Accupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, and massage work to keep the body working properly. Bi-weekly accupuncture, keeps the energy systems in balance, chiropractic adjustment keep the body alligned and working efficiently as the spinal column is the communication center of the body and we need it to be efficient and static free, and massage helps keep the muscles supple and blood flowing properly.
Posture. In the trauma of the accident and the fatigue of the grief, Martin noticed that he was slumping while standing wlking and sitting, in order to support his body he has been working on standing up straight, allowing his organs to work more efficiently.
Heat, we know that toxins escape from the biggest organ of our bodies, our skin, so along with sweating from exercise, we take nightly soaks in the Jaccuzi, making sure that the water is hot enough to cause sweating. Infra red saunas are known to help remove toxins and we have a single infrared light.
Vitamin D walks. Each day we expose our skin to the sun in order to help the Vitamin D be absorbed.
Meditation and visualization. In order to calm the body and the mind, we have two meditations that we do each day. The first by Dr. Joe Dispenza is specifically designed to help heal the body, by changing beliefs. The second by Jon Kabat- Zinn, the father of mindfulness, is a body scan designed to draw awarenesss to thoughts and remove tension from the body.
Sleep. Sleep is when we rest and heal, most of Martin’s adult life sleep has been a struggle for him So by adoping new sleep habits, including a pre bed time ritual, comfortable bed, dark and quiet room, reduce the amount of caffeine in a day, along with the yoga, meditation his sleep is improving.
Emotions. The emotional stress of the accident, our son’s dying for 17 years and his ultimate death from glioblastoma, not to mention just life itself took it’s toll. The aim of the emotional part of this program is to heal the grief, avoid storing further negative emotions and increase the joy.
Th synergy of eating well, exercising, and meditating combine to reduce the number of negative experiences in a day, which in turn reduces the amount of stress in the body and the mind, which makes for better mood, better sleep, better well, everything.
Talking. Improving our relationship, through better communication and compassion for one another has reduced lots of stress for both of us. We used to be inclined to let things go and then irriation would build up and eventually explode in non loving ways. Now we are more likely to inquire lovingly about what is going on at the time, so we are able to be clearer and more loving and relaxed with each other.
We start our days now, talking and snuggled up in bed instead of rushing to our work and devices. At first, we called them worry “meetings” A safe place to put our worries and concerns out, not necessarily to be solved but out there. We found of course that it has reduced the worrying, reduced the stress, and strengthened our connection.
Pets. We have two beloved kitty cats and the famous Ruffus. We take lots of time to be present and mindful with each of them. I know that science has proven that people with broken bones, who pet their cats, heal more quickly. But we don’t need science, to tell us that petting our ultra soft gray kitty, or romping with Ruffus or sharing the yoga matt with 19 year old Millie, is good for our health. Our pets bring us joy, make us laugh, relax our bodies and warm our hearts.
Joy. I discovered, as I was recovering from the car accident and Robin’s death, how important it is to do something joyful each day. There is a section in my daytimer for Joy. Joy is in the heart, it is a state of being, so finding ways for joy is as personal as each one of us. We tend to find joy in simple things, a beautiful walk in the snow, playing with our pets, sitting by a cozy fire, evn stacking wood. So what induces Joy is not important, only that it is present.
Humor. When I was a kid I used to laugh so hard that my sides hurt, We know, from science once again that laughter is good for our health, but we don’t need science to tell us what a good belly laugh will do for us. We started watching I Love Lucy reruns in the evenings and boy do we ever laugh.
Belief. There is much written about beliefs and their power! Henry Ford said ” If you think you can you can, and if you think you can’t you can’t, either way you are right” We know from work about Placebos, that it is the belief along with the emotion from the belief that make a pink sugar pill work as well as a pharmeceutical. and we know that the nacebo effect is equally true, that if we believe we will have an adverse reaction to something we are much more likely to do so. My understanding of the stress that Martin has been under as well as my belief and his ,that it can be reversed is the glue that pulls and holds this program together.
Energy. We know that life is made up of energy. All of life, water, plants, animals and us. We have very consciously chosen to surround ourselves, only with positive energy, with the people who love us and support our program, with nature, our house is built into a mountain and with thoughts that are loving and kind. We call the plan we are on, The Prostate Wellness Program, instead of the anti cancer protocol, because there is a positive energy to it.
A day in The Prostate Wellness Program
7:00 AM Wake up, drink hot water with lemon, first thing. Followed by coffee and snuggle time. Meditate
8:00 Breakfast, eggs cooked with coconut oil, tumeric, garlic, black pepper, carrots. onions, cauliflower or broccoli, or cabbage
9:30 First walk of the day with Ruffus. Also serves as Viatamin D bath.
10:00 Daily teas made. I make them mindfully, intentionally sending love into each cup and I even Reiki them for extra power! Green tea, ginger or tumeric tea with honey, graviloa tea. Teas are consumed throughout the day.
12:30 Lunch Example salmon with quinoa rissoto, made with ginger, garlic, onion, turmeric, served with colesaw.
4:00 Walk or run with Ruffus.
5:00 Joe Dispenza meditation
5:00 Disconnect with devices.
6:00 Dinner example chili, with lots of tomatoes , chili powder, tumeric, corn bread and green salad with curled carrots!
7:30 Last Ruffus walk of day.
8:00 Yoga for Sleep
8:30 Soak in Jacuzzi.
9:00 Glass of wine, read or watch light TV or movie
10:30 Bed time
Important note. We believe in using all the tools available to us. We have developed this wellness plan, consulted with practitioners from various modalities and relied on Western medicine for blood work and other lab tests to give us objective information.
This Prostate Wellness Program has been developed with the help and support of many people and resources to each of you, heartfelt gratitude for your expertise, care and belief!
To:
Dr. Bob,we will never have enough words to express our gratitude for what you for showing us a path back to wellness, for your knowledge, for your protocol and for your care. http://www.doctorbobs.com/
Our daughter Katarina de La Cruz, for so much love, for your steadfast belief in the body/mind connection, for your support. http://purepangeabeauty.com/
To Dr. Joe Dispenza for for You Are the Placebo, Making Your Mind Matter The wisdom, science and belief are at the heart of our Program. http://www.youaretheplacebo.com/
To our friend and Chiropractor Dr. John Barret Lancaster, for your kind, calm and competent advice, not to mention the many adjustments. //www.chiropartners.com/about-us/our-doctors/dr.-john-lancaster—cary–nc-chiropractor.html
To Sharon Speicher our dear friend and accupuncturist, for reminding us to use all tools available including the wisdom of Western Medicine. Sharon Speicher Acupuncture & Body Work
To my best friend for nearly 40 years, Dr Tessa Hebb, the embodiment of love and friendship. https://carleton.ca/3ci/people/tessa-hebb/
In other words being human means we will all make mistakes, some little, some bigger, some to ourselves, some to others, it is a fact of life. We forget to do what we said we would do, we snap, sometimes we lie and so on and so on. And then, worse yet, we don’t admit it, apologize, or make amends.
Take Ted Kennedy and Chappaquiddick, for example. He made the mistake of driving off a bridge and it killed Mary Jo Kopechne, but then he ran away and lied about the mistake, some would say it was the running away and lying about the mistake that was what people remember the most and what tortured him all the days of his life.
I recently watched an old I love Lucy Episode ( great fun by the way), Ricky forgot the date of their wedding anniversary, which made Lucy mad. To make matters worse, Ricky wouldn’t admit that he forgot it and the comedy of the episode, was watching him and his antics as he tried to scramble out of the situation.
I am sure there are lots of reasons why we humans, don’t like to admit when we are wrong when we have made a mistake, but I think the most important one comes down to fear. Fear of the other person’s reaction, fear of our own self- judgment, fear of what others will think of us, fear of the consequences, fear of hurting the other person’s feelings, fear of not being perfect and on and on.
What if instead of holding on to our mistakes, we could readily acknowlegde them , apologize, learn and move on? What would that mean to you, your relationships, your stress? For me it means a lot of freedom and a lot of love for self and for others.
I recently experienced this first hand. A person very near and dear to me, came to visit, and I was super cranky, almost so cranky that it would have been like a comedy show of someone acting cranky, if it hadn;t been so hurtful. I just had to admit I was cranky. I had to show up to the person and say I am sorry, I needed to own my crankiness. The result was amazing! The person reacted with love and understanding, the bond became closer and I grew in my own eyes!
I think that saying I am Sorry is easier if we have a set of beliefs that encourages this.
Accept in your heart : to err is human, to forgive is divine and to admit it is also divine. Let go of whatever beliefs you have about being wrong and embrace this one.
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Give yourself a big dose of self compassion! Most of the time we are doing the best we can at any given moment. Making the best decisions we can. As one of my coaches used to say, ” When was the last time you picked your 3rd best choice”. Don’t judge your self with hind sight.
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Love for the other person. By acknowledging your mistake, you are really showing love to the other person, you are freeing them from wondering what is going on. You are setting them up to be “divine by forgiving”
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Learn from it! While making mistakes is human, repeating the same one over and over is, not so much! During my recent cranky episode, I learned that I should have been more honest with my friend about the stress I was under and it would not have come out as so cranky!
So next time you make a mistake, try owning it, try saying I’m Sorry. See where it takes you in your life!
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach, One of her specialties is helping people who are experiencing hard times that life can bring our way. Events such as deaths, divorces, car accidents, health troubles.She helps people find a way through the event and bounce back. To talk with Susy, she can be reached at coachsusygiddy@gmail.com
Happy Valentine’s Day. The day we set aside to celebrate love. One of my favorite days of the year! I love the hearts, the conversation candies, the cinnamon hearts, the colors and the doily Valentines, I even love the date, February 14th. I guess you could say I love everything about it.
I know that some people see it as a Hallmark Card, made up day to make money, and others see it as a day to survive, without a Romantic Partner to go out with, I see it as a celebration of the most important thing in life, LOVE.
A couple of years ago, as my husband was driving 65 miles an hour, he fainted in my arms, the car swerved down the highway making “S” marks, it turned upside down and landed back on it’s four wheels and stopped right before hitting a cement highway wall. I could not see how we could survive, I was sure we were going to die. As the car was turning over, the thought went through my mind. “The only thing that matters when you come to the end of your life, is love, how well you loved and how well you received love”.And then the car landed on it’s wheels, my husband’s neck was broken and we survived. But in that moment, I understood what life is about. And it is a lesson I live by each day.
While love includes, pretty Valentines and boxes of Chocolate, it comes from an open heart and it gives out kindness, compassion, empathy and care. Love radiates from the self to all creatures of the universe, to those in our lives, to animals and to the trees in the forest, to the oceans and mountains, to a snowy day and a cozy night, love is every where and in everyone. It flows to you and through you, all you need is an open heart.
Love and the habit of loving can be cultivated just like anything else in this life. Here are my favorites for Valentines’s Day.
2. Do something for someone you love. Something that you know they would love. Could be something as simple as a walk or a phone call, whatever it is that they would love.
3. Do something for a stranger. Can you help someone across the street, reach for a can high on the grocery shelf, smile, whatever you notice that will spread the love.
4. Do something for someone who has been difficult in your life. Maybe just sending out compassion towards them.
5. Do something for the planet, the earth, ocean or animals.
By spreading the love we all receive it and the more we receive the better for all of the world.
Happy Valentine’s Day
Susy Giddy is a Certified Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping people find Resiliency in their lives as well as supporting clients during times of adversity and challenge! She can be reached at coachsusygiddy@gmail.com
” I just hate asking for help”, said my one of my Life Coaching Clients during a recent session. We were discussing, reaching out to her community to help her solve a problem. Her resistance and dislike of asking for help, was palpable. Sadly, she is not alone, many of us resist asking for help, especially when we need it most. My client herself is happy to help others, so again like many of us she is happy to help and resists asking for it.
By not asking for help, we take on a bigger load than is necessary. We also, deprive others of experiencing the benefits of helping. Helping is good for the receiver and the giver, it spreads good feelings and a sense of well being. So why do so many of us resist asking for help.
We seems to have some beliefs about asking for help. Things like not wanting to be a burden, believing we must do it alone, not wanting to show vulnerability, wanting to appear strong, not wanting to feel obligated and so on. Maybe we get messages from others that reinforce these beliefs.
In my beloved adopted home of Cabarete, Dominican Republic, one of the things I love most is the way the community helps one another. It is as though, it is a culture that understands our mutual interdependence and it is expected that both help will be given and received. As my friend Pedro said, as we were all helping victims of a house fire. “Today it is my neighbor who needs help, but tomorrow it could be me, so I better help my neighbor.”
I suggest that the next time you need help and find yourself resisting it, check in with your thoughts and beliefs. As the chart below shows, identify the current belief and replace it with one that serves you better.
Belief vs New Belief
I will appear weak vs I will appear strong
I will be a burden vs Helping is good for the giver.
I will show my vulnerability vs Showing my vulnerability is OK
Writing your beliefs down is a great way to get clarity and make the beliefs seem more real. I suggest keeping a journal, near you so that you can capture your thoughts and beliefs.
As always, I hope this has been helpful.
Coach Susy
Susy Giddy is a Life Coach. One of her specialties is helping people develop Resiliency in daily life as well as supporting through times of adversity. She can be reached here in the comments or at coachsusygiddy@gmail.com
